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Just tell him how you feel, make sure you explain how it crushed you when he sets himself up for failure. Don’t beat around the bush he direct and to the point.
If you want to make this marriage work, then you should consider marriage counseling. If not, well, accept the future and start preparing for divorce.
I’m coming from the lifestyle and I agree with all of your actions. You aren’t being controlling. Controlling behavior is using manipulation and leverage to force something. This is clearly just the consequences of him ignoring your healthy boundary.
He has exposed you to several potential STDs including HIV. You don’t know these other guys, and you don’t know who they are hooking up with.
Please get an STD check for your own health and safety.
Don’t let sunk cost fallacy keep you in an obviously unhealthy relationship any longer than you already have been. It might feel like throwing away a 15 year relationship, but it is just throwing away a cheater and a lair.
That 15 year relationship happened. But all things good and bad must come to an end. This just happened to be the end of this phase of your life.
Go and find happiness, it is truly the best revenge.
Not being friends with people is weird. Hate is weird