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Sounds like he just doesn't like your cooking, but is reluctant to tell you that straight up. Since you're a chef, his disapproval would be considered an insult to your career, so he keeps it to himself, and eats it when you just cooked it and there's no polite way out.
You mention that he cooks one of three things. You are a chef. I can infer that you make fancy dishes with lots of flavors and textures, and his tastes are much simpler. He knows he's supposed to like the fancy stuff, but he doesn't.
settled for a guy who had his financial shit in order but nothing else
That right there tells you a lot about yourself. You were attracted to security and it is something that you lacked in your relationship with one or both of your parents or it's something that you feel you lack in yourself. That belief, that on your own, you will be ok emotionally and/or financially. That is a good starting point – learning to be fully self supporting and being ok as a single individual with no one in the wings.
You are getting beat up here in the responses but you are not a bad human. You made a mistake and it's in your best interest and in the best interest of your children to learn from those mistakes. Maybe pump the breaks with the new guy and become friends before you leap into another relationship and new living arrangement.
We met each other a couple of times during this time. But each time the visits were less than two months.
Unfortunately that’s how these things work. He’s made a decision about his futile and you actually don’t get a say in it. The good news you have a say in your own which is now wide open with fresh possibilities and maybe even your own continent to conquer. And if things were as good as you said, I’m sure it was nude for him, but good on him for his honesty.
there's something about athletes and their dreams that is really, really hard to end. I sympathize with both of you in this case, because he wouldn't be a great athlete if he didn't think he had what it takes, and you are a grinder that sets goals and goes after them.
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I would suggest maybe having a really frank discussion about him and setting up some sort of timeline/deadline. Like “if by X date you don't have any offers, can you transition to a non basketball career?”
If it's the love of the game, maybe help him find a job in that field like a scout or some such.
But yes, I completely sypmathize with you and if he wouldn't/won't work with you on a realistic timeline, it's time to move on.
Take the job.