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It is always possible, whether it is a good thing isn't clear.
You would have to accept that she is never going to be the sister you want her to be. She isn't going to apologise and she might even pretend that nothing happened.
You would need to set strong boundaries and define your expectations. You may even want to reframe your relationship and understand what you want from contact. Like do you want weekly phone calls, what exactly do you want from her.
All it takes is a text or whatsapp photo share and ask how she is doing or share something about your child or an invitation to baby bounce time or a children's play gym. Any of those things that she can interact without awkwardness and you can make excuses to leave on both sides.
You can also agree to not talk about certain subjects, like “lets not discuss the past for now, okay?” “let me show you all these cute baby photos I have”.
Or you can go the other way and want to hash everything out but the risks are probably a lot higher that this won't work.
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Yes he knew where I was. I’m quite big on safety in general so I always send updates where I am when I move from place to place. I messaged him in the Uber going from the bar to my friends saying I was going there. He woke up at 6am and saw the message and was not happy
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Then he can use his hands or mouth. Doesnt have to be toys. Hes a lazy and inconsiderate lover.
When you are at that age you still count all those middle school/high school “relationships”, even if they lasted 3 days and you only met once.
You totally did. You said a girlfriend isn’t a nice thing to have then when corrected stated a relationship isn’t something you just put on a shelf. Two totally different points.
A red flag doesn’t even ask others for advice
Honestly, it may not always be something you can control in this matter.
The fact is you two are different people. He is clingy by default, and thus more codependant. While you are naturally independant.
This causes a lot of conflict and irritation, as these things continueously cause disruption in your relationship; causing the “good things” in it to become less significant as the pile builds up.
He needs someone who matches him the way he loves you. And while you love him too, it is not in that same way.
Basically, right now you two are speaking two different languages, and you can't understand each other very well.
That doesn't mean there isn't a solution. But it will take a lot of nude work, and both of you to compromise.
To balance codependancy and independancy; we call this “interdependance”. You'll both have to compromise a little to reach that middle point.
This will require some really strong communication from both of you. And you really both need to take the time to LISTEN and TALK to each other about this.
That said, the way you act on this is your choice and in your control. But the way he responds is his responsibility, not yours. If he doesn't cooperate or wont put in the same effort; it isn't going to work.
At that point… save both your troubles and acknowledge the differences will remain just that. You both deserve better at that point.
You clearly have no idea what you're talking about. You keep mentioning stages of relationships but then saying that they're just dating after THREE years. At this point the relationship is serious.
Youre putting the cart before the horse, youre using his actions at the end of the relationship to justify her decisions throughout the course of the entire relationship. Youre just twisting the situation to fit your narrative.
The simple fact is that OP should have been honest. That doesn't mean she has to drop it on the first date, but some point in three whole years might have been a good idea.
Doesn't make sense for her to be pissed off!!
You were pissed off and not her!
There's always the chance he puts on his big boy pants and makes an effort to move out sooner if you tell him now. He could throw a hissy fit over the next 4 months too. It's a high risk, high reward play.
That said, I think it's the kinder move too – it gives him more time to get his shit together before the lease ends so he can figure out his own housing solution knowing that he has a defined end date.
Just leave it then mate. Give it a few days.
It she hasn't reached out by then, it's a pretty shitty and immature response. Not much you can do until she decides to be an adult and let you know either somethings up, what's up, or that she needs time to think things through.
Tell him he makes you uncomfortable and you don’t like it. His parents dying is no excuse for his behavior. If he has the energy to make these jokes he has energy to get his shit to left her and stop it. If he absolutely makes no effort to knock it off stop being his friend because no matter what you believe he isn’t yours.
You literally move out of the country after going on a date?
You beat me to it, took the words right out of my mouth
I’m being serious, wouldn’t you agree that basically by masturbating to her after she was drunk or if he would’ve stayed with her, he would’ve had sex with a drunk women by fantasizing about it. I don’t understand why people don’t understand what I’m saying. He literally said if he was more confident he would’ve stayed when she asked and if he wasn’t afraid of intimacy so he went home and masturbated thinking about having sex with her BECAUSE she touched his thigh and wanted him to stay longer while she was drunk. I would understand if she wasn’t drunk but she was drunk so I don’t understand what you mean and why you’re disagreeing with me?
You would rather divorce your wife instead of making a few changes and putting forth the effort into saving it! I feel for your wife, she told you that she's being neglected but you don't care you don't want to fix things because you have a new p*ssy you want to see. Divorce your wife and let her find a real man to love her WANT to have sex with her and make her feel like a million bucks! Sorry but you are a pathetic excuse of a man who is already cheating emotionally and probably physically to an extent and you have wasted your wife's life for 17 years. Absolutely pathetic
If it weren’t for your post history I’d think you were a troll. Do not marry him! He’s not Mr. Perfect. You’ve been long distance for 3 months and you’ve never spent time with him in person. You do not know him. This is not safe.
My hubby is 12yrs younger than me .. he was your age wen we met xx
Oh she was talking about her new bf I think, but yeah she kind of ascribed it all to me once I said that to her. Which I don’t blame her for. At all. I am a callous a hole. Got no problems with that label. Thanks for the advice. The blinders we put on ourselves to not see reality… ugh. Cus now that you say this all yeah- totally. That’s her mindset.
I agree. My husband has said no to sex before and I don't get all upset about it. He has the right to say no. I just say okay and move on. It's OP's birthday and it is to be celebrated the way he wants, not the way she's decided he wants. She could have made the sandwich and given it to him him topless, but instead she decided for him. That's not okay. She would be very upset if he did this to her.
They are only 18, don't say anything, just let it play out.
Girl, you nailed it. Major Red Flag. Do what you will with it.
I'm sorry but it looks like you married an immature, jealous, controlling, and general slob of a little boy. Good thing is you're still very young. Good luck with the divorce
At first I thought, “Ok maybe he just needs more of a push”, but the controlling and angry sides of his personality are red flags. I think two choice you have are: – Earnestly tell him all of this (in a safe place) and make clear you need him to start therapy or you’re out – Begin the process of speaking to divorce lawyers to find out what that could be like
As others have said, your gut is important and you are also so young.
a) Most real, healthy friendships exist in the real world too (mostly in the real world) and not exclusively live.
b) Not sure that I´m understanding your question correctly: It´s not me who wants to keep it a secret, it´s him. And I do care that if it is kept a secret because it makes me feel as if I´m leading a double life and I would appreciate being able to talk to my friends/family about it freely.
Consent doesn’t automatically protect you. Terrible things still happen even when you say “no”. Remember that.
Yes, I really wanted to fall for her in a romantic way but that's exactly how it feels. It feels like I'm hanging out with a best friend. I love her, but in a best friend way.
She’s going to have sex w all of them…lol you should go on a trip w a bunch of girls she never met, if she doesn’t care she’s not the one. Lol
Yeah but then you'll get 10,000 bucks from it, it'd be worth it imo.
But I agree with the other commenters, threaten him first
Tell him when he’s home HE can host his own family and cook for them too. It’s bullshit he expects you to host his family when he’s not even around.
No, I mean nothing like meeting someone else if that is what you are referring too. It was a very stressful and also very exciting time (I had never been overseas before) and saying goodbye to my boyfriend at the time was super emotional, but after a few weeks I just didn't miss him anymore. I thought it would be so amazing to see him again, but it was honestly just awkward for me and I could feel how hurt he was by the fact that I didn't think about him that much.
I would not leave my home.
You haven't cheated on her, you haven't abused her or your child. There is no danger to them. There is no reason for you to leave your home.
I would tell her that you will not be leaving your home, and she can discuss the situation like a grown adult would do. Turn it back on her. Let her know that you realize the daycare issue was important to her, and to you too. However your child had HER and was not abandoned by you, just simply a life and death situation took priority for you.
Your child has MANY MORE days to be at daycare. Your mom being in ICU is more important. If your mom doesn't pull through, how are you going to live! with the guilt of not being with her? How will your wife deal with that? Wife is behaving like a spoiled child.
Lmao he’s great. He used it in case people don’t have cash
I would assume there is no possible way the two were dating if I saw a guy with a woman and acting like this. It’s SO gross.