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I agree with others not a red flag, sooner or later this curiosity will grow.
I have no idea why you have put up with this for so long.
Let me just state this outright: what she is doing is wrong and unacceptable.
I have no idea why she is being so incredibly selfish and just – no other way to say this – downright awful. I don't give a shit what she claims her “friends” say. Stop allowing her to do this. No more “bites”. No more. She eats her food and you eat yours. If she's still hungry, she can make herself additional food.
Honestly, OP, her whole demeanor would be a huge red flag for me. I could never stay with someone who was so selfish and uncaring.
Your husband took advantage of your black out drunk sister, which makes it rape, essentially. Get away from him. This may not even be the 1st time this happened & your sister probably couldn't tell you for sure. This act alone tells you his gross character.
Honestly all the people trying to guilt you into staying seem to be disabled women. Take that how you will.
If you choose to stay, then you need to carve out more time away from her for your own mental health. Realistically, it's not like your financial situation or household obligations would be that much different if you were single, so I would just accept those. But you can't keep dealing with the mental toll from her unloading on you all the time – I would spend as much time possible out of the house, whether it's at a park, cafe, the gym, wherever. Find somewhere where you can decompress and recharge so you can continue with your day-to-day responsibilities. Otherwise, you'll crash and you won't be doing her or yourself any favors.
I moved out when I was 34 with $150k saved and we paid for our house outright between me and my wife. Itβs fine to on-line at home
Yikes. Run!