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Do not weaponize his trust in you and his sexuality to “save face” with mutual friends and family. That could create loads of resentment and make co-parenting needlessly difficult.
In my country when 9 year olds don't listen they get slapped. I used to get hit with a variety of objects.
I knew about the guns, We on-line in the south he has 2 shotguns one for hunting, one for home protection
I swear so many of the comments on this sub is just immediately jumping to “dump them and move on”.
I broke up with my ex last year, after a ten year relationship. We had a dog which we shared custody over. We still have a completely nonsexual, nonromantic relationship and send each other jokes or w/e on snapchat. I get that you're uncomfortable with her talking to an ex, but at the same time you seem pretty insecure and controlling by wanting her to ask your permission and snooping through her phone.
She seems really dedicated to you, is that not enough?
You signed the death warrant on your relationship.
So if you truly meant the ultimatum as written, then your next step is to pack up your shit and move out, find someone else and maybe they will marry you.
If you didn’t mean the ultimatum as written, then you pack your shit up and move out, find someone else and maybe they will marry you.
What did you expect his reaction to be?
If (and it was very unlikely) he was going to propose, he’s not going to now.