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Exactly!!! He gets mad about it and cant seem to understand it because his parents arent like that.
Your husband's method is absolutely disgusting, as is his attitude towards you.
He seems to hold some very concerning believes:
If he does not experience it, it is not real. He cannot smell it, so noone can. You telling him it smells should be enough.
You should do as he says just because he says so. If you don't, it is ok to yell at you. That seems like an increadibly sexist and old-fashioned view about marriage: the man as the wise head of the house who has the last say and the wife as the obedient servant.
That something really bothers you is less important than him proofing he is right. Even if you were the only person on earth who minded shit stewing in their toilet, he should be considerate enough to use the plunger. It is a small request.
You say his good sides outweigh the bad. You seem to be ready to use saint-like patience to compensate for his short-comings to make your marriage work because it is worth it to you.
You say you are not willing to teach your children his shitty method, which is absolutely reasonable. So giving in to his demands is not a good option.
So the only way to save your marriage seems to be to convince him he is wrong. I think you are the last person he will listen to in this. So could you talk to someone who he will likely listen to? His mom, dad, friends? Could you show him this post? Marriage counseling?
In the end you cannot force someone to change their mind. If you don't want to give in to his rudiculous demands and he keeps insisting on this, your only other option is divorce.
Break up immediately, do you know how many sister posts there are on Reddit some horrific ones….With husbands or boyfriends. It is not worth it.
You should reach out to his ex and let her know that he is still holding images and videos of her she may no longer give permission to have.
They way he treats you.. yeah, I'd follow through with ending the relationship and keep all evidence and document everything he says and sends to you.