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Thanks for the comment. I’ll try to clarify a few things. While she has a disability she is not normally bed ridden. She doesn’t need a nurse and I don’t need to change her or help with eating, bathroom, etc.
The biggest issue which you rightly identified is the mental toll, followed by her chronic fatigue and pain which prevents her from doing a lot of things you would normally expect from a partner. Some small examples – she can’t take out the compost or recycling because it hurts her wrist too much. Lately she hasn’t been able to drive. Any walks longer than 10-15 mins are a non starter. These things are all manageable individually but combined it feels like death by a thousand cuts. It just hurts when I see a couple biking together (just an example) and I think I would love to do that with my partner but she can’t.
Re: chores, we try to split most things 50/50 but a lot of the time it feels like I end up doing the lions share. She may have a different view. She does most of the cleaning, we split the cooking, I take care of all the finances and run most of the errands that require driving.
My work is very demanding and 60hr weeks are the norm. I have pretty high drive and energy but I need downtime too. Lately it feels like most of my personal time is spent talking her back from the edge and I just don’t get to take a break.
Calling her reasons ridiculous and abusive is just your judgement. That attitude will make having a long term relationship difficult.
OP will have to work with the wife and figure out why she feels the way she does.
Insulting her won't help OP and never helps a marriage. Telling OP it's her problem won't fix it either.
All your comments are just personally cathartic and about your own self serving nature.
Serious question: what if both parties are black out drunk and have sex? Is it mutual rape, or did the sex not count because neither could consent?
She sounds like an interesting friend but a bad lover. Some people are like that – enjoyable from a distance. But even though she's a very bright and interesting person, she's a terrible partner. She doesn't build you up, and she doesn't seem to care that she's hurtful. I'd seriously consider breaking up if I were you.
If not, you need to be very clear about your boundaries. e.g “This is hurtful” everytime she says something hurtful. Telling right now that the fact that her comments towards you which only range from neutral to negative are hurting your self-esteem. She needs feedback on the fact that she's being an egocentric twat.
Not your problem so, stay the hell out of it. She is a cheater who has shown you she takes no responsibilty for her life or actions. Ignore the manipulative “friend” that is enabling her.
You don't love her. You love those fleeting moments she acted like a proper partner. Cut your losses, lose the dead weight you call friends, and learn to never date anyone who has anything close to her issues or reminds you of her in anyway.
“People” like her are just blackholes that suck all the life, energy, and happiness out of anyone who is dumb enough to get close. The only thing you should feel guilty or concerned about is that you are/were attracted to a human hefty bag.
He probably realized he can dump the childrearing to you and figured- what the heck, why not. I mean, he is idolizing having kids for sure.
He can see value in family and imagine us having kids together, playing with them and going on holidays
And when they are sick? Hungry? Can he provide for your family when you are on leave? Having kids is not Kodak moments only and if he went from never wanting kids to let's have kids? He is delusional.
It's not a minor issue. If you combine incomes with this man you know he's at risk to lose his job at any time due to porn use.
What happens if you decide to have kids, and be gets fired from him job for jerking off in the bathroom? How is he going to get another one after that?
While he's in the throes of active addiction, porn is always going to come first. My husband is an alcoholic (sober 3 years now, so proud of him) he's everything I want in a husband, but if he refused to get help for his addiction I would have had to leave him. Addiction, no matter what too, ruins relationships.
It seems to me like you're doing a good job with handling the situation already. As others said, there's something weird about this whole thing. But I don't think it's because he's malicious or anything… Just somewhat naïve and immature.
It does not matter whether it was during her bachelorette party or years down the line, she cheated on him, got found out, and the friend recognized how messed up it was and trying to save someone from marrying a cheater.
This isn't FWB this is B.
Unfortunately, only by pretending he has these feelings to begin with. He's obviously got a lot going on and you're clearly not at the top of his priorities list. So to try to talk yourself into being “confident” about a situation that isn't worthy of that confidence is kind of a form of self delusion on your part. Don't set yourself up for sadness. This is a casual thing for him and if you can't be okay with that then you should probably protect your own feelings by not seeing him anymore. It's never good in the long run to try to see things that aren't there.
I can accept there is probably some frustration on his end if he is genuinely unwell, but that is not an excuse to take it out on you and the people he is supposed to love and care for.
His controlling, abusive behaviour is not OK, and you have every right to feel over it. Your children will pay the price if his behaviour continues.
🙁
I just can't believe you still thinking about sending him a bill for the sheets, like seriously? Show some empathy, woman. Not like he did it on purpose, show compassion and if you don't want to continue, at least let him have some dignity and leave him alone. Or, if you want him, then call him and ask him how he is and say its okay, sometimes bad things and its fine. But don't ask for the money for the sheets.
I assume it's a troll at this point, especially given someone else mentioned that they've posted this before.