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This is very refreshing to read because I definitely don’t want to bash him here so it’s good to see a perspective from someone who relates the person I am describing. I’m glad you were able to get help and make positive changes
Take that secondment in New Zealand and enjoy!
Staying with a lazy dad and doing all the work yourself teaches your kids that that behavior is okay. Work on yourself first (I suggest looking for part time work from home like tutoring or live teaching) and then when you are feeling more stable mentally you need to talk to him. Either he does more or you and kid are out. And do NOT have more children with this man until he pulls his full weight.
That’s the plan. I still have to get over it though and right now I just feel like I’m the only one mourning the relationship and it almost feels like I don’t even know him anymore so I just don’t know how to heal from it.