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My advise… “Not my horse, not my rodeo” While these are your friends, I wouldn’t get involved because if you do you’ll be the bad guy. If you need to separate yourself from those friends until things cool down then that might be a better idea for your own sanity.
You support the dude you married and have kids with.
I can’t think of a better way to make your husband feel like he has zero support than to ditch him for your dad on Christmas. Don’t be alright with your dad making this a dick swinging contest.
Your dad can get onboard and invite your husband like a gracious FiL, or he can understand he is the reason he doesn’t see his kid or grandkids.
By going, you support your dad’s behavior and make your husband feel like he’s an outsider. Asking him to grovel to your dad is also unacceptable. How would you feel or act in your husbands shoes? What would you want from your SO?