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I don’t think her intent was consciously to use you. But I think she developed an expectation. I think sitting her and asking her, point blank, what her plan is to start paying you back. If she doesn’t have one, tell her that the time has come nail down a plan. You’ve been happy to support her until now but it’s time for her to start doing her part. Suggest a plan and make it a discussion where she has some input. Forcing a certain number may not work if she just doesn’t have that amount.
I also think you need to tell her how her behavior made you feel. You explained it so well in your note. She needs to know it may help you to express how you are feeling to her. She probably has no clue.
I was in a relationship like this a few years ago, the abuse got worse. Look up narcissist abuse and watch videos on YouTube, they helped me leave ❤️
“ThrowRA” is the name you have to call your account if you want to use a throwaway on this sub
Imagine you found your absolute dream house- perfect in every way, perfect location, every room exactly what you have always dreamed of.
But it doesn't have a bathroom nor any plumbing, nor the possibility of getting it connected for such in the future.
Would you live there?
Off the bat, context is everything. Full disclosure, I’m the first person to come here to call out age gaps when they’re concerning.
In saying that, on the surface, yes, this would certainly raise eyebrows. Why? Because what would a 35 year old have in common with a 20 year old? In most cases, very little.
Before I speak positively, I need to let you know that the general concern in these situations is the mismatch in the power dynamic. More often than not, a 35 year old is going to look down on a 20 year old as inexperienced and knowing nothing, and be in full control of the relationship. As a completely made up example, the 20 year old might say “I wish you wouldn’t curse when you speak to me,” and the 35 year old could respond “well you’re a fucking idiot and don’t know what you’re talking about.” Is he wrong? Yep. Would you know that? Maybe not. We only know what we know at the age we’re at and experience we have.
Despite all that, the only advice I can give you is to be smart and be aware of reality. If he truly treats you like you deserve to be treated, great! But if there’s anything questionable, don’t allow it to be shot down without a logical discussion.
Forget about “society.” I already told you that I’d certainly question it, but realistically no one’s going to notice this shit in public. People are focused on themselves. We only know this because you told us.
On-line your life. Just don’t ignore red flags. Good luck.