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He knows exactly what he is doing. You’ve told him over and over. He doesn’t care. You need to leave him, OP. This is straight up abuse.
You dont seem to trust him. he told you to look through his phone and was certain that the bra was one of her sisters, and he even sent a photo of the bra to his sisters. I would definetly trust my partner if they went that far to show me i can trust them? But look, its okay. This was a stressful situation and now u know that u can trust him. Make sure u let him know that, and enjoy the relationship. Much love❤️
He’s borderline stalking this other woman….please leave and protect yourself. Maybe even give the other woman a heads up.
What is your issue? Is it that he never texted or that you don't believe the reasons he gave for not texting you.
Also, your reasons for not texting him are quite weak IMO, so you never texted him either. In fact, he texted you first, when were you planning on contacting him? You could have sent him a message saying you miss him and don't worry about contacting me late.
First, I want to address the second paragraph. I just don’t understand why it at all matters that she didn’t have siblings. I’m not arguing against you here. I’m arguing against her. It’s irrelevant. Shouldn’t even be brought into the discussion.
Second, to answer your question about culture, certain cultures are vastly different as it relates to marriage. I’m an American so it’s easy for me to just tell you all the options you might have. If, however, you’re subject to cultural restraints we might not be, that changes things from an advice perspective.
As a made up example, let’s say AAA culture even in 2023 fundamentally believes in arranged marriages or even if not, that parents strongly prefer their children to choose similar partners or it would fundamentally damage their relationship.
On the surface, it’d be easy for me to just say “that’s archaic. Fuck them. Love who you love.” But reality sometimes isn’t that simple so even if I (or anyone else) believes something’s wrong, if you’re bound to certain constraints, us just telling you it’s wrong means absolutely nothing
On the surface, all of this is thin grounds for what is a very serious accusation.
But here is why you aren’t in the wrong:
He lied.
How? By omission.
If things were so casual as he says, he would have said, “hey honey, X was here today and we went for a workout.” Or “hey honey, X was in our room for (insert mundane reason)”.
The fact that he didn’t disclose information to you because he understood you would, at the very least, have some follow-up questions means he is very capable of lying to you.. and that erodes trust very quickly.
Now, add in a pinch of gaslighting and the dismissal of your concerns, and you have yourself a situation.
The circumstances are explainable. His reaction is suspicious.
Now, even if he hasn’t cheated, is his behavior acceptable?
If a co-worker gave you the same flimsy excuses, you’d add them onto your shitlist so fast and NOT support them at work.
Why would you accept it from him? The person who is supposed to have your back?
You are responsible for you. You shouldn't even be considering how she's going to handle a potential breakup, that's not your responsibility.
And if I'm being completely honest, I wouldn't be comfortable with my SO having such a close relationship with another guy either. Sending bikini pics etc.? Like, cmon…
I've NEVER in my life gotten a bikini pic sent to me in a private message by anyone I'm not already involved with…
It's just not something you'd do. I don't see why I'd go out of my way to send someone I'm not interested in “that way” a picture of myself in any way, shape or form. I simply wouldn't even care.
That being said, it is entirely possible for people to have this relationship… But I'd assume they'd know how it affects their actual partners and would adjust their behaviors as to not make their partners uncomfortable.
Thanks! Yeah that’s what I was thinking, the problem kind of is that I one of my more distant friends really started hitting on her naked, and of course I can’t intervene here, I just thought I maybe should start earlier. What do you think?
Ohhhhh helllll no. Proud of you OP for sticking up for your SIL. Your husband seems to think this is gonna go away.. NOPE. This is a dealbreaker. At least for me. Especially with children. Absolutely fucking not. You will not be around my children with your ignorance, bigotry and hatred. Your husband can’t just shrug his shoulders. I’d be seething if I were you. That comment about “it’s different when it’s your own blood” no, no it’s not. Makes me wonder what they were saying about your brother when you’re not around.
But it’s not just her he calls pretty. We can literally be out at a store and he’ll see some random woman and has to blurt out to me that she’s attractive. He literally told me one time that he was at a restaurant by himself and the waitress said good morning and hope he was good today and he told me how good it made him feel and that she was beautiful. Stuff like that really makes me feel insecure. Like I’d never do that to him.
Lady, you not only cheated on your husband, but you did it continuously over a period of years and several pregnancies. How can you fix your poor relationships? How about developing some integrity and a sense of what is morally right or wrong?
By the way, public school is free. Enroll them there.
By the way #2, in a lot of jurisdictions, children born to a woman while married are considered legally the responsibility of the husband whether or not he biologically fathered them. Consult a lawyer. You may be able to collect child support on these kids even though they are not your ex's. Of course he won't be thrilled by that; but you need to meet your children's financial needs. You have already failed their emotional needs.
God people are so thoughtless sometimes.
Divorce.
She’s cheating on you with her manager.
The company probably knows about their relationship, which is why they have been separated as it was probably affecting their productivity.
Dna test your son if she was working there before she became pregnant.
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope that you can heal from what's happened, and find a way to put it all into perspective. There's nothing worth then being stuck paralysed with guilt, especially when a situation is unavoidable.