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Model from: ua
Languages: en
Birth Date: 1995-11-27
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This isnt your friend. This isn't her friend. This man is dangerous. This is someone who is going to twist things, attempt to ruin your reputation, whatever he can, to get to your girlfriend.
It's time to cut him off. Both of you.
You should have written that in your post!
You arent in the wrong, she pestered you after you made yourself clear to her. She was wrong for that and should have just let it go.
I know it's naked but please do not react. She's setting you up hoping that you will hit her so she can have you arrested. It's textbook behavior. If you can, try to get out of the house. I can't believe what I'm reading and I've been in an abusive relationship before. Please know that you deserve better and that there is help.
I know it's not as simple as packing a bag and leaving, you said you have no money saved and nowhere else to go. However, there is help to get you out of this. If you're in the states, I want you to call this number. 1-800-799- SAFE. You're being abused even if she's not hitting you. If you have any more questions feel free to DM me.
You can love more than one person, sure, but where's the respect towards you? Where's the comittment? Why didn't she stop herself before cheating to have this conversation with you?
Your girlfriend is making an irrational request, full stop. One that is rightfully hurtful to you.
With that said, I want to point out something you wrote:
My girlfriend and I have been together for five years now and we online together in an apartment. Up until now I thought we had a great relationship. We rarely argue, we both have good careers, and we love each otherâs families.
Youre considering throwing away five years of a good relationship over a single hurtful act by her â a choice based on a fear stoked by a thing that actually happened to a dear friend.
Again, hers is an irrational fear, one that is highly insulting.
But my view of relationships is that they are like emotional bank accounts. Little or large acts of love, consideration, kindness, compassion, passion, fulfillment, support are like deposits. Little or large acts of cruelty, deception, inconsideration, drama, nagging, etc. are like withdrawals.
Has this one significant withdrawal exceeded the 5 years of deposits sheâs made? If youâve exaggerated your description of the past 5 years, maybe she has. Or maybe youâre merely reacting (legitimate) to the size of this withdrawal in the moment, even though it hasnât drained the account.
If she hasnât had a history of making unreasonable or irrational requests, you should factor that into your calculus as well. It is also worth considering the events that incited this request â a moment when someone close to her had her world turned upside down and found out someone she trusted implicitly couldnât be trusted. If your neighbor had a break-in, would that change the way you felt about the security of your home? Whether irrational or not, she is concerned about her safety and is asking you to put her fears to rest.
Again, her requests are unrational and hurtful. But many of our fears and insecurities are irrational. Thatâs part of the human condition.
If you werenât exaggerating about the positive history of your relationship, it is unwise to throw the relationship away. Nobody has a long term partnership without various kinds of difficulty â learning how to weather them is a necessary skill to have if you want a partner. They key to this is communication.
This is my advice:
Tell her how her request made you feel. Use âIâ statements. Take this opportunity to do a couples appointment with a therapist you both agree on. They will be able to point out the ridiculousness of being screened for abusive behaviors, AND address how her actions are hurtful to you. The culmination of this visit should put to rest any talk about background checks.
Though thatâs a weird thing about your story. Why would a person concerned with the trustworthiness of her partner have them do a background check on themselves, knowing they would be able to suppress or omit negative results? She wouldnât need your permission to do a background check on you, so why wouldnât she just do that? That detail sounds fishy to me.
Anyway, thatâs my advice, take it or donât.
Doesn't matter dude, if she is in a relationship, it's neither here nor there.
Any chance youâre feeling used? Youâre not his one-stop porn shop. You should be very suspicious about a guy guilting you into sending you that many nudes.
Love the reddit/internet these days, if a man doesn't want his girlfriend to cheat then he's “controlling and insecure” đ This name calling is textbook manipulation btw đ