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Awwww this was just sweet. A nice little snapshot of what looks like a loving, supportive relationship tackling an issue. I'm wishing you both all the best.
Your welcome and good luck
If you're hoping for more advice you should clean up that rambling story my man. Not many people will stick through it.
My first question is whether you're looking for a job, or your dream job right out of college. If you've got a bachelor's degree in CS from a legit school you can get a job in Kentucky within the next 30 days. That's not to mention how many positions in the field are now remote.
If you really want to be with this girl ask yourself whether you could take one of these jobs to be closer. One piece of advice would be taking an entry level position with a company that you'd like to advance with. I do hiring in this field, and I'll take internal people with proven motivation over external people every single time. We can always train inexperienced people, but I can't make some have initiative.
Yes – red flag. I dated a guy who told me he had a thing for strangulation. I told him I didn't ever want that, but all the time his hands would still gravitate to my throat and I'd have to move them away. Even though I hope he didn't mean me any harm, it was clear we were totally sexually incompatible
Asking to have more outings without them being high near a recovering addict is absolutely okay. Them saying no is also okay. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries. “I’m not comfortable around x,y,z could we do more things without it?” OP isn’t saying go cold turkey sober for the rest of their life. It’s like if you qsk somebody to not smoke cigarettes around you or in your house. That’s a totally reasonable request and it’s also ok to refuse.
If they’re honest friends they will have some respect for his sobriety and his journey to recover. If not, it’s time for him to find new friends who will support that journey.
Tell her absolutely not. There is no way you would ever be in a relationship with her again.
Break up; get into therapy yourself.
Yeah I don’t know what I was thinking. It usually happens when I’m away from him for awhile and I get into the habit of another way of relating. Then I come home and forget to put my guard up on that issue. You are totally right.
If you are being honest and actually have brought it up 12 times then… you already have your answer. This is the life she wants, if it isn't the life you want do not marry her
We’ve been through a break up before, she got with someone else who treated her like shit for a year then came back to me, except I asked her for a 2nd chance. Now we have this and I’m trying to figure out a way to spark that excitement again
There is probably a prenup in this case
She was wanting the same bra, but had wanted to see how it fit, we’re both bigger girls, so when either of us get a new bra, if it tends to help us hide our fat rolls and doesn’t do the weird bulging thing we typically show each other. Not really asking for her opinion, just showing her “hey this bra from this place is actually flattering! it doesn’t seem to grab and show off my fat!” rather than “oh look at this bra how does this look on me”
as for him, he’s said everything from he’s upset he didn’t get the picture, thinking i’d taken it at a sooner time. he has a history of being cheated on and lied to, and he holds onto it. when i said it was to show her, he immediately started claiming his exes had said the same thing, and i’m no better than them.
The party life was before we got married. But yes I have taken the responsibility and recognize that I was wrong to do that. I apologized to him. Even bought us a house and had another child and got married since then. But now this has started in the last couple of weeks with all the secrets and lies
How dare you resent me! I’ve improved! Now I’m ONLY saying I hate you and you’re the worst person I’ve ever met. Plus I’m always going to tell you how you’re stupid and I’m right because I’m older. And then be angry you disagree and continue to infantilize you.
He sounds like a keeper. Sure wish I wasn’t married, I’d be swooping him up in a minute. /s
OP, even if there is slightly less shit on it, it’s STILL a shit sandwich. Just because it’s better than it was before, doesn’t make it good.