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1. First, ditch that therapist of yours. They're clearly just ticking boxes from some Therapy for Dummies book or something, not listening to you and considering your situation. Don't worry, you won't be blacklisted by Therapist of America or something for changing therapists.

   Second, your dad and his wife… It's clear neither of them have cared to actually sit down an listen to you, or considering your grief and your needs at any point since your mom's death. It's been all about what's good or convenient for dad, and the feelings and fantasies of his new wife.

   Oh, and you're not wrong to be suspicious of the speed with which your dad replaced your mom after she died. I won't accuse him of outright physically breaking his wedding vows, though that's certainly a possibility, but his relationship with the woman he married after your mom wasn't “cold started” at the time of, or soon after, your mom's death. She and that relationship was warmed up and raring to go as soon as his matrimonial status permitted.

   This also explains why all traces of your mom needed to go when he replaced her with his very hot standby. Quite likely, the topic of him leaving your mom to marry her had come up a fair bit before your mom's, to them, fortuitous demise simplified the situation. Your mom was the enemy who kept him from your dad's new wife, so any reminder of her would have been a painful reminder to her of her struggle to get her man.

   Conversely, it's not unlikely that your dad was already partially checked out of his marriage to your mom, but not yet quite ready to make the leap to divorce. Her dying under those circumstances, while a kinda convenient resolution, may still have filled him with shame for his behavior. Not something he'd want to be reminded of.

   Anyway, seeing as how they've not really ever actually listened or considered your feelings, and clearly still proceed as if your boundaries and feelings don't really matter, only what they want, I'd urge you to cut contact entirely and not feel bad about it.

   Maybe once they've been able to respect your wish to have no further contact or communication with them for a couple years, you can reconsider the possibility of future contact. I wouldn't hold out too much hope, though, because if they were capable of this, you'd already seen the results.

   On the other hand, if it ends up taking restraining orders, or worse, to keep them from you and your family, then you'll know there really is no hope of them ever respecting you and your family, and thus no need to allow them in your life ever again.

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