Do not buy a house with your girlfriend. Take it from someone that did and ended up paying the price. And I am saying this without even taking into consideration the concerns you already have about her financial health.
OK, in some ways having a baby with someone may deepen the relationship, but as thousands of women who thought “if I get pregnant it will save the marriage” can attest, his having a baby with another woman doesn't mean he will leave you for her.
And I feel like being too uptight about that will just make your own bond with him weaker.
So here's a question to consider — are you this baby's stepmother? Does your bf see it that way? Do you and he envision the two of you participating in this child's life as a couple? Or is this something off to the side of your relationship with him that he will handle on his own? This might say a lot about how he sees your relationship over time, and how you see the relationship over time.
You both are kind of too young for this, but it's here. You aren't just kids a couple years out of high school. He isn't just a guy who is still friends with a hook up. There's a child here now. You are all going to need to think differently about everything, as if you were 5-10 years older than you really are.
I expect that it would be possible to find a couple's counselor who would counsel the three of you (including baby mama) on how to communicate, set boundaries etc. If you can possibly swing the cost of this it would be worth it.
And that’s understandable OP! As many on this thread have said, to me it’s not tip-toeing if I don’t tell my partner explicitly about all the details of the sex I’ve had with who and where. I don’t do this because it hurts and offends me when my partner does this (because really, what relevance does any of this has to do and why do they want to paint a vivid picture in my head of them having sex with others?). A good chunk of people feel this way and hence, oversharing might create some problems in the relationship.
A good rule of thumb is to monitor how you would feel if your partner told you everything you tell him. If this doesn’t make you feel anything negative, then that’s good. This just means you need a partner who functions the same way as you do. Oversharing about the past can be a compatibility issue with some, but there are many people who feel the same as you do. Focus on finding your match with someone who wants to know and wants to share everything. This way you can have your absolute candidness with a partner and you don’t have to worry about ”oversharing”.
It's not a right fit because he's a racist, abusive misogynist.
She could have been with 2 men prior, and he'd find issue with it. That's just who he is.
I truly don't care how many partners my current partner has had before me. I don't care what race they were, what gender they were. I care about how he treats me.
How are you almost 40 years old and still this out of touch? Yeh you may not have done anything directly, but your response to what happened what absolutely idiotic.
I'm going to try to tread lightly here because this is a delicate subject. My take on this is that if he's an attentive and loving partner, I'd probably give him the benefit of the doubt here. You've told him it was ok to wake you for sex. You've never told him otherwise.
You said if he would have asked, you'd have said no, but given that you've told him it was ok to wake you for sex, that's probably why he didn't ask.
I'd have a conversation with him and just tell him that when you take x medication, you want him to not wake you for sex because you feel like you're not awake enough and you're uncomfortable with it.
I do powerlifting. I was an active competitor until covid hit. Im somewhat in the “fitness community”.And yes, there are LOADS of guys thirst trapping in social media, not as many as girls, since the market is much lower. But loads anyways.
I had 2 gf that where in this social “group” too. And I could not give less fu*** about it. They both opened insta and probably 110 out of 12 posts where oiled guys nearly hot, working out, pumping, sweating, playing the “Im so hot” game. Still dont care.
Everyone nowadays is one google away from seeing more porn than they could imagine, social emdia is not that much different. Everything everywhere is sexualiced. You could try to live in a bubble, or you can just mature and adapt.
I mean, IS it “his loss” though? He made a sensible decision. The miscarriage is tragic, yes. But staying with her simply because she had a miscarriage when he doesn't love her and doesn't see a future together would be even more tragic.
It sounds like he finally got his head on straight. They moved WAY too fast. She shouldn't even have met his kid at two months, much less have been moving in with him, and then planning another child soon after. She's 25 and divorced with two children, and while she's great at parroting idealistic relationship tropes, it's pretty damn clear that she's impatient and has very little impulse control, and justifies that by . . . parroting relationship tropes that sound like she knows how to have a relationship with a solid foundation, without actually taking the time to BUILD that foundation.
Her partner took a look at what they had, which was built on quicksand, and made the very sensible, rational decision that having only been together LESS THAN A YEAR, and not being legally bound to each other, and (despite the tragic circumstances) not having kids together, he thought it was healthier for him and his child to stop this where it was and walk away. That this wasn't what he wanted, that he needed to focus on himself and his kid, and making a life just for them.
It actually sounds like he came to his senses. That's not “his loss”. It's not anyone's. It seems like if anything, he did them both a favour in the long run.
If you can, take her to a larger city for an appointment if you aren't in one. Botox is a treatment for gastroparesis if that is the issue.
But I'd look into other physicians in other areas.
And I'd sit down with her family. Tell them they need to be involved because you are exhausted and if something happens to your health, you cannot care for her. And who will at that point.
You've done what you can. The rest is up to them. But you are allowed to have a life.
She's not a girl she's a woman. That's sexist language.
And if they have longer I’d advise you to never leave your children alone with them. She told you she’s going to abuse (spank) them.
Only you can stop it by standing up to your boyfriend.Nobody would force me to do anything I didn't want to do.
Do not buy a house with your girlfriend. Take it from someone that did and ended up paying the price. And I am saying this without even taking into consideration the concerns you already have about her financial health.
OK, in some ways having a baby with someone may deepen the relationship, but as thousands of women who thought “if I get pregnant it will save the marriage” can attest, his having a baby with another woman doesn't mean he will leave you for her.
And I feel like being too uptight about that will just make your own bond with him weaker.
So here's a question to consider — are you this baby's stepmother? Does your bf see it that way? Do you and he envision the two of you participating in this child's life as a couple? Or is this something off to the side of your relationship with him that he will handle on his own? This might say a lot about how he sees your relationship over time, and how you see the relationship over time.
You both are kind of too young for this, but it's here. You aren't just kids a couple years out of high school. He isn't just a guy who is still friends with a hook up. There's a child here now. You are all going to need to think differently about everything, as if you were 5-10 years older than you really are.
I expect that it would be possible to find a couple's counselor who would counsel the three of you (including baby mama) on how to communicate, set boundaries etc. If you can possibly swing the cost of this it would be worth it.
And that’s understandable OP! As many on this thread have said, to me it’s not tip-toeing if I don’t tell my partner explicitly about all the details of the sex I’ve had with who and where. I don’t do this because it hurts and offends me when my partner does this (because really, what relevance does any of this has to do and why do they want to paint a vivid picture in my head of them having sex with others?). A good chunk of people feel this way and hence, oversharing might create some problems in the relationship.
A good rule of thumb is to monitor how you would feel if your partner told you everything you tell him. If this doesn’t make you feel anything negative, then that’s good. This just means you need a partner who functions the same way as you do. Oversharing about the past can be a compatibility issue with some, but there are many people who feel the same as you do. Focus on finding your match with someone who wants to know and wants to share everything. This way you can have your absolute candidness with a partner and you don’t have to worry about ”oversharing”.
It's not a right fit because he's a racist, abusive misogynist.
She could have been with 2 men prior, and he'd find issue with it. That's just who he is.
I truly don't care how many partners my current partner has had before me. I don't care what race they were, what gender they were. I care about how he treats me.
If you care, you're insecure.
How are you almost 40 years old and still this out of touch? Yeh you may not have done anything directly, but your response to what happened what absolutely idiotic.
I'm going to try to tread lightly here because this is a delicate subject. My take on this is that if he's an attentive and loving partner, I'd probably give him the benefit of the doubt here. You've told him it was ok to wake you for sex. You've never told him otherwise.
You said if he would have asked, you'd have said no, but given that you've told him it was ok to wake you for sex, that's probably why he didn't ask.
I'd have a conversation with him and just tell him that when you take x medication, you want him to not wake you for sex because you feel like you're not awake enough and you're uncomfortable with it.
Do you have a therapist?
Shaming yourself for being a product of your experiences isn’t going to help anyone, especially you.
I do powerlifting. I was an active competitor until covid hit. Im somewhat in the “fitness community”.And yes, there are LOADS of guys thirst trapping in social media, not as many as girls, since the market is much lower. But loads anyways.
I had 2 gf that where in this social “group” too. And I could not give less fu*** about it. They both opened insta and probably 110 out of 12 posts where oiled guys nearly hot, working out, pumping, sweating, playing the “Im so hot” game. Still dont care.
Everyone nowadays is one google away from seeing more porn than they could imagine, social emdia is not that much different. Everything everywhere is sexualiced. You could try to live in a bubble, or you can just mature and adapt.
He def. has!
I mean, IS it “his loss” though? He made a sensible decision. The miscarriage is tragic, yes. But staying with her simply because she had a miscarriage when he doesn't love her and doesn't see a future together would be even more tragic.
It sounds like he finally got his head on straight. They moved WAY too fast. She shouldn't even have met his kid at two months, much less have been moving in with him, and then planning another child soon after. She's 25 and divorced with two children, and while she's great at parroting idealistic relationship tropes, it's pretty damn clear that she's impatient and has very little impulse control, and justifies that by . . . parroting relationship tropes that sound like she knows how to have a relationship with a solid foundation, without actually taking the time to BUILD that foundation.
Her partner took a look at what they had, which was built on quicksand, and made the very sensible, rational decision that having only been together LESS THAN A YEAR, and not being legally bound to each other, and (despite the tragic circumstances) not having kids together, he thought it was healthier for him and his child to stop this where it was and walk away. That this wasn't what he wanted, that he needed to focus on himself and his kid, and making a life just for them.
It actually sounds like he came to his senses. That's not “his loss”. It's not anyone's. It seems like if anything, he did them both a favour in the long run.
If you can, take her to a larger city for an appointment if you aren't in one. Botox is a treatment for gastroparesis if that is the issue.
But I'd look into other physicians in other areas.
And I'd sit down with her family. Tell them they need to be involved because you are exhausted and if something happens to your health, you cannot care for her. And who will at that point.
You've done what you can. The rest is up to them. But you are allowed to have a life.
Something like 1 in 5 or 1 in 6 men will leave their partner after an adverse medical diagnosis.
I’m sorry