Literally just sounds like he's trying to wear down your self esteem. He didn't even apologize just doubled down and made it your fault? Gross and pathetic. He's either being cruel on purpose or is accidentally rude but doesn't care how that affects you. You don't deserve either. At least you just got together and he's showing you his true colors. Good luck OP
It's okay to leave him. He decieved you and he's lied to you on repeat. You need a partner in life that actually shares the same goals as you and you deserve to have that. Obviously your boyfriend doesn't share your goals and vision for the future. This doesn't make you a gold digger, he just isn't trustworthy and has shown his true colors.
Don't feel pressured by a timeline. Many women have children well into their 40's. It will happen for you but you really need to be with someone you are actually compatible with and who won't lie to you like this.
I'm glad there are a lot of people supporting OP but I'm pretty disgusted with some of these people. They try and make her the victim and OP is suppose to help her through this situation. I'm not saying she isn't a victim, her family sucks that's for sure but to me this would be like telling someone to go comfort their abuser. She wronged OP to such a degree that nothing can really be fixed.
She's been using him for years, withholding intimacy and selfishly trapping him in a relationship he didn't want. While these make sense in the context of the situation it doesn't make it right. She now has him questioning their entire life together and has him feeling like a rapist. He doesn't deserve any of this and it's due to her own selfishness.
She is now avoiding all accountability and making this even harder on him. She needs to get over herself and deal with this situation. She caused this mess and needs to be the one to “make it right” even though she can't. He shouldn't be the one paving the way forward. He gets to choose the next step of their relationship, whether it means divorce or attempting to move past this. He shouldn't need to hold her hand through this and it's mind boggling that someone can look at this situation and say he needs to be there for her.
Having a shit family and being homosexual doesn't give you the right to manipulate an entire person's life.
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
I have a wonderful hubby that I must approach gently when he's completely in the wrong. Ma'am, your hubby is completely in the wrong. What has worked for me is approaching him when we are both completely calm, maybe do something nice for him first to soften him up a bit. Hug him even if he doesn't hug you back. Let him know you love him very much. You then start with your apology for embarrassing him and you won't do that again. Then tell him how you feel and how he can compromise with you. Example, don't use the main/guest bathroom if you want it to stew. If he uses a main one or a guest one when you have people over, you must plunge it. If it's not the main one or you don't have guests, you can let it stew (as horribly gross as that is).
Compromise and handling issues in a loving way is what you want to teach your kids. If he is unwilling to compromise, let him know that this is how YOU will compromise until he can find a better solution that will work for both of you. It can't be all what he wants. Stand your ground and be reasonable.
I know some have mentioned a poop knife or scissors and I actually find this more gross to have a poop tool laying around when the punger is right there. The further away from the poop you are, the better! Lol
Marriage is hard. Good luck! I hope he comes around to reason.
Three ish years out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist who moved in with a guy across the state after we broke up. When we were breaking up she confessed she had been talking to this guy for three years. Over half of our relationship she was emotionally cheating on me and likely more. They literally met on a trip that I planned and paid for that was supposed to be just for us. I didn’t suspect anything because he had the same name as one of her friends from home. At first I was curious who she was texting all the time, but when I saw the name pop up on her phone I assumed it was her friend. I thought she loved me and we would spend the rest of our lives together but she was only with me for the financial and emotional support at the end of the day. I still think about her every day and it makes me angry that other people get to have her in their lives and not me the one who loved her the most. I get mad at myself for feeling this way because she betrayed and used me so nude. I quit drinking am and have been in weekly therapy and on the surface have my life together, but inside I am always sad, alone and broken. I am thinking about joining a boxing gym to help reduce the daily rage I feel. She doesn’t deserve to live rent free in your mind. Easier said than done though.
There's also the fact that most women his age, would clearly see those bright red flags, and run a mile.
To him, your age is probably the second most attractive thing about you, because you're going to be less experienced, and easier to manipulate. If you've not known him long and are already concerned by his behaviour, then that's a pretty clear sign to end it.
Chalk it up to experience. You had a laugh, had some good sex, but he's not long-term partner material for you.
Literally just sounds like he's trying to wear down your self esteem. He didn't even apologize just doubled down and made it your fault? Gross and pathetic. He's either being cruel on purpose or is accidentally rude but doesn't care how that affects you. You don't deserve either. At least you just got together and he's showing you his true colors. Good luck OP
It's okay to leave him. He decieved you and he's lied to you on repeat. You need a partner in life that actually shares the same goals as you and you deserve to have that. Obviously your boyfriend doesn't share your goals and vision for the future. This doesn't make you a gold digger, he just isn't trustworthy and has shown his true colors.
Don't feel pressured by a timeline. Many women have children well into their 40's. It will happen for you but you really need to be with someone you are actually compatible with and who won't lie to you like this.
u/Ok_imalive, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.
Please create a new account that starts with ThrowRA in the username and try again. Please note that we will not make exceptions to this rule.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I'm glad there are a lot of people supporting OP but I'm pretty disgusted with some of these people. They try and make her the victim and OP is suppose to help her through this situation. I'm not saying she isn't a victim, her family sucks that's for sure but to me this would be like telling someone to go comfort their abuser. She wronged OP to such a degree that nothing can really be fixed.
She's been using him for years, withholding intimacy and selfishly trapping him in a relationship he didn't want. While these make sense in the context of the situation it doesn't make it right. She now has him questioning their entire life together and has him feeling like a rapist. He doesn't deserve any of this and it's due to her own selfishness.
She is now avoiding all accountability and making this even harder on him. She needs to get over herself and deal with this situation. She caused this mess and needs to be the one to “make it right” even though she can't. He shouldn't be the one paving the way forward. He gets to choose the next step of their relationship, whether it means divorce or attempting to move past this. He shouldn't need to hold her hand through this and it's mind boggling that someone can look at this situation and say he needs to be there for her.
Having a shit family and being homosexual doesn't give you the right to manipulate an entire person's life.
Hello /u/c0smicteddybear,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
Please resubmit with a corrected title.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Please do not get into a relationship oh my god
Yeah if I was this dude's girlfriend I'd be breaking up with him just based on these comments. He's an idiot and he doesn't care about her.
If you can't trust your guy's word maybe you shouldn't be with him.
I wasn't downing you. If I came off that way I apologize.
I have a wonderful hubby that I must approach gently when he's completely in the wrong. Ma'am, your hubby is completely in the wrong. What has worked for me is approaching him when we are both completely calm, maybe do something nice for him first to soften him up a bit. Hug him even if he doesn't hug you back. Let him know you love him very much. You then start with your apology for embarrassing him and you won't do that again. Then tell him how you feel and how he can compromise with you. Example, don't use the main/guest bathroom if you want it to stew. If he uses a main one or a guest one when you have people over, you must plunge it. If it's not the main one or you don't have guests, you can let it stew (as horribly gross as that is).
Compromise and handling issues in a loving way is what you want to teach your kids. If he is unwilling to compromise, let him know that this is how YOU will compromise until he can find a better solution that will work for both of you. It can't be all what he wants. Stand your ground and be reasonable.
I know some have mentioned a poop knife or scissors and I actually find this more gross to have a poop tool laying around when the punger is right there. The further away from the poop you are, the better! Lol
Marriage is hard. Good luck! I hope he comes around to reason.
Three ish years out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist who moved in with a guy across the state after we broke up. When we were breaking up she confessed she had been talking to this guy for three years. Over half of our relationship she was emotionally cheating on me and likely more. They literally met on a trip that I planned and paid for that was supposed to be just for us. I didn’t suspect anything because he had the same name as one of her friends from home. At first I was curious who she was texting all the time, but when I saw the name pop up on her phone I assumed it was her friend. I thought she loved me and we would spend the rest of our lives together but she was only with me for the financial and emotional support at the end of the day. I still think about her every day and it makes me angry that other people get to have her in their lives and not me the one who loved her the most. I get mad at myself for feeling this way because she betrayed and used me so nude. I quit drinking am and have been in weekly therapy and on the surface have my life together, but inside I am always sad, alone and broken. I am thinking about joining a boxing gym to help reduce the daily rage I feel. She doesn’t deserve to live rent free in your mind. Easier said than done though.
At this point it looks like she just lies for funsies!
OP this isn't the kind of behavior you want to spend a lifetime with and possibly raise a family with so get out while you can.
There's also the fact that most women his age, would clearly see those bright red flags, and run a mile.
To him, your age is probably the second most attractive thing about you, because you're going to be less experienced, and easier to manipulate. If you've not known him long and are already concerned by his behaviour, then that's a pretty clear sign to end it.
Chalk it up to experience. You had a laugh, had some good sex, but he's not long-term partner material for you.