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Just wait.
Oh man, did I mention that “You were supposed to get milk” is literally how the conversations started dude he didn’t even ask me in a nice way to add insult to injury ?
This seems objectively unkind/inconsiderate.
As someone who has been on both sides of the coin with regards to financial assistance from partners, I think there has to be some circumstantial compassion given when arranging activities/trips away.
Especially in this context, as he has asked you away on a trip where the financial costs are out of the ordinary from what you would have initially expected when invited.
The best thing you can do is be totally open with him, stating that until you have paid off your debts, you have to be very careful about how you spend your disposable income. He should understand this, and want you to be in a secure financial position that isn't a source of worry in the future.
And I think the focus should be on her relationship with her father and not see her father's death as a resource for a family he didn't have.
I was given advice when young “don’t go back go forward” …
You are exceptionally level headed and seem able to give others the benefit of the doubt very easily, and honestly, those traits are very admirable. But have some self-respect.
He's cheating on you, he loves her more than you, and it's time for this marriage to end. Just reading this, he has not given you one indication that he respects the way you feel about this. The entire saga involves you being semi-coerced into agreements, you choosing to be the bigger person, you suffering the consequences of his actions. At not one point does he take responsibility or show any level of respect towards you that befits a happy marriage. It's time for this to end. Best of luck
You're one of the worst human beings I've ever had the displeasure of reading about.
How deep down do you need to go to forget she cheated on you and didn't tell you until you confronted her about it?