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Your parent shouldn’t be your hero.
Did you choose the guys you slept with or did he?
Here’s the hard truth of what might seemingly be a complex situation; neither his cheating or your cheating is an excuse for him being on dating apps right now.
Before I get into it, if I’m just being honest and direct, you need to end this relationship, because it’s objectively unhealthy and it’s been proven over and over. That’s my real advice. But out of respect for you being here obviously hurting and looking for answers, I’ll get into details.
He cheated on you at some point. He’s a scumbag for doing that and that can’t be ignored. But you made the decision to stay. That’s not for us to decide even if I’ll tell you that I’d have advised you against it. When you decide to stay, two things need to happen; the cheater needs to work to earn their partner’s trust back by being honest and transparent. The other thing is that the partner needs to allow themselves to trust the cheater. If that can’t happen, no one would blame them, but it would mean the relationship is over, because relationships can’t work without trust.
Now, we don’t know what he did to try to earn your trust back. You didn’t say. Either way, you cheated. Him cheating was unacceptable and there was no excuse for it. But him cheating wasn’t an excuse for you cheating. You logically could and should have broken up with him (just like he should have before he cheated); but you chose to cheat.
For whatever reason, he stayed with you and you stayed with each other. But now he’s on Tinder. You talked about it and agreed to work it out. You’re allowed to be upset. But it’s also time to take a step back and really be honest about the situation; is this really how you want to on-line? You don’t trust each other. You’re both looking elsewhere. You’ve been together for three years, but it’s been a bad three years. In a healthy relationship, this isn’t happening. Good luck.
People always say it's her responsibility to end it and not to contact the guy, which is true and pretty good advice. But I'm the type of person who has no problem giving the guy a ring and telling him to back off. Shine a light on a cockroach, and they tend to run for cover.
Run
I want to wait but I'm scared of him replacing me and finding someone better.
She isn't wrong because you and her aren't in a committed relationship. However, that should give you cause to pause and think about whether or not this is the type of chick that you'd want to commit to.
Your post on r/relationships was removed.
I suggest to see you doctor OBGYN again as I suspect your pills is the cause. It happened to my SIL – her birth control pill causes her to have low libido & she did her blood test again for the OBGYN doctor to match her with new pills. it works.
It’s called negging. Please really, really consider this advice.
If this is true it changes the whole context of the post and OP needs a clarification ASAP.
So he's playing the whole turn it around to blame you game so that he can do what he wants in the future and you won't say shit in order to not upset him. He should be the one feeling shame for his actions. If he can't respect your boundaries, he's not worth much.
Girl, at a certain point you're choosing the live! that you're living. You've been choosing this man for 3 years. Stop.