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Go take all the biology classes you skipped, now.
You're being manipulated and gaslit. Her telling you she'll be homeless if you leave her because her family allegedly won't allow her to move back in, is just one of her many tactics to make you not leave her. Now the latest reason she's given for her shitty treatment of you is because she was “molested”? With all that you've said here, including your admission that she says this kind of shit because she knows it'll make you feel bad for her and keep up the relationship, that's no excuse to treat you the way she has. Also, if that actually happened to her, she wouldn't have flipped out about you wanting to help her get justice (aka calling the police). I remember a few years ago, I was talking to a guy and he told me his ex-girlfriend lied about being raped while they were together and was pointing her finger at a specific person. He said he was going to call the police too. Know what happened? She retracted her accusation because it was a cover-up for her having cheated on him. I wouldn't be surprised if that's the case here too. Get out asap, OP. You deserve way better. January is literally nect month. Drop that bitch and start the year new and fresh without all the bullshit. I have been in this kind of relationship before and trust me when I say it doesn't get better and they don't change. The only change possible is your exit. Best of luck, OP.
She’s a bum. No ambition. Mental health doesn’t mean you have no goals and ambitions
It is always sad to see other suffer from sickness.
Yeah, that makes sense. Old habits die hot, but I’m working on it! Thanks 🙂
My mom had to have a bowel resection. She waited so long to ask for help it was really bad. And then she got COVID a year ago, so about 18 months after, and it caused a blood clot that caused the blockage again. At 78 and in poor health, she elected for hospice.
I'm the disabled one in my relationship, I have hEDS and it's associated conditions meaning I use a wheelchair, am fed artificially and on-line with chronic pain. We do not yet live! together, but I have been putting things in place so that when we do I am less reliant on him with the aim being avoiding caregiver burnout and letting us be partners not just carer and patient.
First up, you matter too. Your struggles matter too, your worries matter too, non of what your going through matters less because she is unwell. She is too in the pain fog to see it, but do not forget that you matter too. What you want matters. Think carefully about what it is you want to change that can actually be changed realistically.
Second, look at getting some help in. I'm only familiar with the UK system, but she should be entitled to some sort of disability payments which you can then use to afford things like ready meals she can just heat up, someone to come in and help her say have a shower or do some cleaning. Contact adult services/social care and see if she is eligible for some funding to provide care for her, she may be able to get a budget she can use as needed to employ a PA who can take her to doctors appointments, help her with personal care, make a meal for her etc. She also may be able to get funding for a meal service where they deliver nutritionally complete meals she just needs to heat up. If meals are really becoming an issue she could ask her doctor for supplement drinks like Fortisip/Ensure as all she has to do is unscrew the cap. Respite care can also be provided either in or out of the home too. If you don't ask for help you won't get it.
Third, she needs to build up a bit of a support circle. I've made some great friends through Facebook groups for my conditions and Instagram using hashtags to find people similar to me. I have built up a wonderful little community and I would be lost without them. Yes physical friends are better, but making friends as an adult is very hot let alone when you're chronically ill and unable to do most activities like sports or classes for a language etc.
Fourth, she needs to see someone more specialist to help her manage her conditions. Use Facebook groups to find a good doctor within a reasonable distance. I travel 3 hours for mine and its worth every mile. Pain management where I am is pretty hit and miss, but they have specialist therapists who deal day in day out with chronic pain patients and can help her find better ways to manage. Also it's worth noting that not every therapist is right for every person, so if they're not helping enough she needs to try out some others. Get yourself signed up for some therapy too, it sounds like you need it.
Finally, it's okay to have enough. You need to communicate with her that the current situation is untenable and that things need to change before you yourself become unwell, be that physically or mentally. It is so easy to get caught in the spiral of chronic pain leading to depression, which makes the pain harder to deal with, which makes you more depressed. But she needs to know where you stand and that this is affecting you this badly. It sounds like she needs a wake up call to actually try and help herself and while it may hurt her to hear exactly how you feel, you need to tell her. Not in a “if you don't change I will leave you” way, but in a “we are meant to be a partnership, I need some support” way.
Oh and don't have a kid until the relationship is healthier and you have physical support around. It's okay if children are a dealbreaker for you, they are a big deal, but they need stability and you don't have that right now.
Ultimately if she isn't willing to try and help herself there isn't much you can do beyond honestly communicate your feelings and begin the process of moving on. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.
lol i actually told the doctor that called me to contact this guy instead. i kinda lost my cool while speaking to the doctor and became rude about the situation and told her to contact the other guy instead because he was worth losing our relationship over.
You want different things from life. There's nothing wrong with her prioritizing her family over a relationship, but that's not the kinds of relationship you want, and there's nothing wrong with that either. Forget magical, because in between magical, you're miserable. Go your separate ways!
Damn, dude.
Sounds like you're not getting a 10th anniversary.
Without you elaborating more on how you've hurt her over the last 9 years I cannot offer more specific advice.