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Model from: co
Languages: en,es
Birth Date: 2002-02-08
Body Type: bodyTypeThin
Ethnicity: ethnicityLatino
Hair color: hairColorBlack
Eyes color: eyeColorBrown
Subculture: subcultureStudent
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Therapy seems like the best option individual, and as a couple
Good luck
So many people, even in this post seem to miss this. At a certain point, especially when you’re old adult, the why doesn’t matter anymore. Either get your shit together, get help, or you’re not dateable/marriage material for stable people.
Probably should end the engagement. If anything, sex will decrease, sometimes drastically, after getting married. If it's every 3 weeks now, it might be every 2 months later. You will eventually resent her and likely cheat on her. Imagine if a child comes along, you divorce and have to co-parent and pay child support for the next 18 years or so. Work on seeing about getting wedding deposit returns. Put together a list of reputable IC /sex therapists. Discuss with GF your concerns and suggest she begin counseling to see if her libido can be sparked. (P.S. Some medications, such as anti-depressants, are known to dampen the sex drive. Is she taking meds?)
Sorry, this will not get better. Your resentment/insecurity will only grow, and that will kill your relationship.
If neither of you want children then getting married doesn’t matter. If I’d been with someone for 10 years and wanted to get married I wouldn’t consider having children with them without that. I’d expect that to be the breaking point and for her to move on.
I don't have advice on how to get out of this scenario and feel safe, but I will reiterate that her reaction to breaking things off will only get worse the longer you let this go. How much does she know about you? Does she know where you live! or where you work? If not, although I don't usually think it's a kind thing to do, the easiest thing might be to ghost her. Don't do that if she knows where you live! or work though.
He's given you a clear answer, yet you're still trying to set yourself up to be his rebound. Rebounds are often left with the hurt and emotional baggage of a partner who isn't emotionally available. Some go months, even years, waiting around only to realize that they've wasted their own time. You mentioned noticing that he distanced himself, only to come back and flirt again once he failed to get his ex back. Let's say he does decide to try something serious with you, picture having to constantly grapple with the mental of being the fall back choice.
told me to trust him that “those types” of Koreans that act like Americans are “weird guys”
So why doesn't he think you're a weird guy?
Your husband RAPED your sister, and you are blaming her. This is disgusting.
I don’t have a success story, but I do have advice. When he is anxious, validate him and let him express his feelings. Anxiety is so tough because most of the time, it is built on a very relatable and legitimate fear, but it takes on disproportionate weight in your thoughts. It’s not clear from your post what he’s anxious about specifically, but when I’m anxious about something big at work, I find that my partner telling me that I’m going to do great isn’t as helpful as reassuring me that he’s seen me like this before, it’s always fine in the end, and if this time is different, that just means I’m not perfect but he already knew that 🙂 It validates the fear so that I feel understood and seen, and ratchets down the stakes so that I feel less overwhelmed. Adapt as needed for your situation!
Left and gone where? To some other girl? That's the only thing people talk about leave leave leave. He never done anything for me to not trust him. I have a bad gut feeling sometimes, a feeling of unrest, like I HAVE to see him OR see WHAT he's doing, I can't stay away from him, I can't. When he went to his parents in the holidays, it took 2 days of being seperate for me to have a break down
Can you transfer back into your dream school? Don't let this man take any more away from you. He clearly doesn't want an equal partner since he can't even understand why you think he should be doing half the chores when you are working and studying. What will this man be like if you have kids with him? Don't get trapped with kids, as there is a very real risk he will hold all the financial power at least while you can't work, and you just can't trust him to treat you with respect.
Lunatic comment.