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Yeah, No.
You don't 'train' your boyfriend. He's supposed to be a partner, not a puppy. It's perfectly okay to ask for what you want – “Hey I'd like it if you picked up flowers for no reason sometimes” – but what you are describing is beyond that.
He wants to change to be the guy I want No. He shouldn't do that, and shouldn't want to. Is he going to morph into a completely inauthentic version of himself?
I think I am staying mainly not to hurt his feelings because of how codependent we both are but mainly him. That is a terrible reason to be in a relationship. How long do you plan on doing that facade dance? Another 10 months? Ten years? What an awful way to live!. Everyone needs to be able to be on their own two feet. Second, would you want a bf to date you out of pity? “I can't leave hher – she
I’m his whole world and he doesn’t know what he’d do without me. He'll manage. He existed before you, he will after. I don't mean to sound brutal but that sentence is really troubling. You know that, yes? Because hearing that from a bf would NOT reassure me – it would scare me away.
Finally, would you want a bf to date you out of pity? “I can't leave her – she's too weak and codependent so I'm stuck with her.”
Food for thought. Good luck OP.
That’s ridiculous. You are already pegging them as if there is some kind of mutual affair. He may have no clue about what your wife was thinking. For all you know he’s about as interested in your wife as he is chewing on razors.
How often do you see each other face to face?
He doesn’t make the plan for childcare that isn’t you, you don’t go. I second this, when exactly is he building this house? With what money? That will take quite sometime, this isn’t a pack the truck and go thing.
If he feels she’s flirting then she likely is. People are not stupid
They are not as easily manipulated
If you're looking for something exclusive, you're gonna have to compete for it and win her over. Otherwise, you'll just have to be content with the situation as it stands IMHO. If the sex is good, maybe it's worth the money you spend on dates.