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Call the police
One trick for preventing procrastination and the low quality that comes with rushing is to give an uncertain deadline, because then you can't wait until the last minute to do the thing if you don't know when the last minute is, but also you're not rushing as much because maybe you have more minutes.
More importantly, the essential problem is that your friend is unable to face her fears. You can help fix this by finding a small fear she has and helping her face it. This will help her learn to face other, bigger fears and problems in life.
She's not your girlfriend anymore
She's just your roommate
You sound fucking exhausting.
You've just experienced “the flip” -when an abuser shows his true self.
Run. If you do not, you will look back on this moment as the first red flag and you will know you ignored it. Because this will nit get better.
How is he supposed to know its your birthday if you dont tell him?
Why are you stalking his exes? They’re irrelevant to your relationship with this guy.
If he did not ask to be exclusive, he is not. If he is making a big deal out of cheating on social, follow your gut about his actions on social. He sounds controlling and annoying.
Yeah, so he does what he wants to — he wants to play games, he doesn't want to be bothered with figuring out literally one of the simplest dishes on earth. Google exists! He could have done that, but couldn't be bothered when you would come home to “fix it.” If he can hold down a job, he can google mashed potatoes so you have them waiting when you get home as you asked.
I can understand the SIL. She knew deep down that things had a chance to go south and she probably chose this route to have her gf by her side.
In certain families, announcing things and talking freely are not a given. Coupled with a non-confrontational personality and maybe being the black sheep of the family (getting made fun of because of her apparent celibacy, feeling scrutinized …)
It is not hard to imagine her thought process.