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If she threatens you by saying sheāll cheat on you then that instantly means you need to break up with this person. Youāll be less stressed when itās over. I hope it works out for you!
I want joking. Stop by her place unexpectedly and find out.
No point in giving a long detailed reply this is simply toxic and you are not right for each other and itās a clusterfuck and I havenāt used that word for at least over 15 years now so that should give you an indication as to how bad this situation actually is
i have tried and none have picked up i left messages though
Well firstly ACAB, your daddys a class traitor, enemy of the people and oppressive government tool.
But, regardless of ACAB, your BF expressed a pretty mild and nuanced opinion on the topic, he explained his view while extending empathy and politeness towards your dad and the officers involved. Imo it was self centred and rude of your dad to make a lighthearted discussion into a politically fraught conversation that relates closely to him, particularly considering your dad already knew that any response other than “Oh yes of course sir I forgot how tragic those poor officers, may I lick your boots” was going to make him angry. Also considering your BF is a racial minority this feels like your dad was trying to bait him into an altercation based on the well established (and completely valid) hatred and distrust many minorities have for cops.
I obviously don't believe anyone should have to show politeness, empathy or respect to oppressor classes but if you're a person who does think that a prerequisite for being listened to politically is politeness to everyone, regardless of how evil they are, then even by that standard your BF didn't do anything wrong. He expressed his opinion politely and respectfully and your dad still chose to have the tantrum that he had pretty clearly already planned to have. If you want to be a good GF you should support your BF in this and tell your dad that his behaviour isn't okay, that he doesn't get to kick your BF out based on a very mild difference in political opinion. Also for the lols ask your dad if he'd have kicked out a white BF who'd told a racist joke or something…because I tend to doubt it.
Did she grow up in one of those āwhat mine is yours housesā ? It can be a very hot habit to break but she should respect your wishes and use her own towel.
Thank you, I hear you. But it's not only appearance. Its the negativity, its not wanting to do anything, its being mindless on tiktok all day, etc… I'm struggling because I am in a totally different headspace. I've had my bouts with depression, so I get it to some extent. But when is it enough? What I want is a sign that she wants to do better, not just because I am less attracted, but to do better for herself.
No you're right it was probably up until just after Christmas that things were good, we had a really lovely Christmas, and it felt like he was planning to stick around because he bought all his gear for a ski holiday we had planned in march. Then things went south a couple of weeks into January.
The conversations throughout have been quite prolonged but with very little said if that makes sense, lots of tears on his part and long silences. When he asked to separate it was literally blurted out when we were just checking in with eachother about how things are, and then it was more of the tears and long silences. He struggles massively to articulate his feelings (and acknowledges this himself) when he is feeling this low and just says he isn't excited about the thought of the future together.
I'm at my parents and he's planning to go home to his family for a couple of weeks at the weekend (they online far away). It feels final for him I think, we didn't make an agreement about contact. We own our house together so he's having a think about what he wants to do with the house so I guess we'll speak when he's back but we didn't specifically plan when.
Thank you for saying I'm owed more of an explanation, I really appreciate that because I was starting to feel crazy about it and thinking maybe I just needed to accept it even though it makes no sense to me
Yeah he likes you and loves you but doesnt want to marry you. Youāre not a fool, you couldnāt know this was how it would go. Even he didnāt know.
But, yes, if you want to get married, you need to find someone else.
Donāt try to talk him into it. The LAST thing you want is to marry someone who is not all in.
Men bond through sex, itās our #1 motivation in initially seeking out relationships
Youāre going to have to find someone who has similar issues as yourself or this will keep happening and youāll be looked at as wasting their time and emotions
Holy crap is this the thread for me. Saving this so I can come back to all the advice here.
Going through this almost exact same thing now. Partner (F41) of 17 years wants a divorce. Sell the house, share custody of the kids, pay off debts with sell of the house, no alimony or child support as we both make the same. I have anger/resentment towards her built up over the years due to her doing things that any normal human being would have resentment for. I could I have expressed that anger and channeled it into productive conversations but sometimes even when I was calm and rational, it never went anywhere.
Yes, weāll have less overall money and two apartments will be more expensive than 1 mortgage, but Iām looking forward to even my lesser share because I can budget smartly without worrying about her spending a metric ton of cash on herself every month in clothes, makeup, and hair, etc. And we have a LOT of equity in that house even with a spilt of the profits. The kids want to stay with me as Iāve been alone with them for a month now and they just prefer me anyway, but Iām not fighting that.
She wants me to work on my anger (which I already have because when she left last month was a big wake up call). Iāve started using the Calm app, took an anger management class and learned a lot. She then wants to ādateā and see where it goes. Start over because we started poorly and rushed a marriage after getting out of 5 year other relationships. āClose a chapter on this marriageā with the possibility of getting back together.
On a scale of 1 to a Kayne West rant, how marbles is this idea?
Nopeeeee time to break up.
I wish you the best of luck. I've had terrible abusive friends. You will feel freer and healthier and better without her. Do not accept that kind of abuse.
He wanted a servant and heās trying to break your confidence so you donāt realise you deserve better. Gaslighting you as the problem and not him having to rise up to meet you.
A good husband would be so proud of his wife for following her dreams and doing so well at her job and finding happiness and confidence. Yet all your husband cares about is you not getting the chores and cooking done. He wanted a mummy, not a wife.
Came here to say exactly this.
There would be no point in mentioning to your friend that he used to ask for your number repeatedly other than to hurt her.
If you were truly rooting for them you wouldn't think twice about that, other than maybe a bit of relief he's off your case now.
Got to the part where OP mentioned him buying her food and drinks and suddenly it all clicked.
I think you should go jump in a pond if you're going to be such a silly goose!
You havenāt defined the relationship yet but she has a key and she is a āpartnerā.
I think if someone asked her if she had a boyfriend sheād probably say āyesā.
And this is the issue here, youāve been giving her the boyfriend experience but then this other girl turns up and suddenly sheās realised you arenāt as serious as she is.
Tell him about the dashcam. And let him decide what to do. You are being selfish, if you love him and you see and know this is making him feel like shit, at least have the decency to tell him the truth.
It's the least you could do. And seek therapy, now, not IN A FEE WEEKS because then you will NOT go.
First things first. Take a moment to breathe and grieve the relationship. Then you lawyer up WITHOUT HER KNOWING and get everything sorted out. This includes what she is entitled to as part of the divorce and custody agreement. Then you file for divorce and give her the papers. There's nothing you can say to her apart from “I know what you did” when you hand the papers over because she's obviously not going to stop seeing him.
First things first. Take a moment to breathe and grieve the relationship. Then you lawyer up WITHOUT HER KNOWING and get everything sorted out. This includes what she is entitled to as part of the divorce and custody agreement. Then you file for divorce and give her the papers. There's nothing you can say to her apart from “I know what you did” when you hand the papers over because she's obviously not going to stop seeing him.
It's not wrong to need a partner to be different from you in some ways. Mental illness is hot, and this might just not be a good relationship for your life. It may be worth spending some additional time away from her and see if you feel like it improves your life significantly. If it does, it's okay to end the relationship for the sake of your mental health.
The latter was my first thought.
Move.
She may have internalized gender roles that she doesn't know how to express.
If you don't know if she likes you, she doesn't like you. Check yourself. Everything you described was friendly. Not flirting
I would need a sincere and ongoing display of regret and shame.
I would need to see ZERO push back against all my behaviours that spring from lack of trust (eg location checking, phone transparency).
I would expect him to adopt the old fashioned way of ensuring fidelity – so not only being loyal but being seen as such also. For example, if we have couple friends then he would text the man and not the woman, not having a woman alone in a car / house / room.
In short I would expect an extra level of WILLING loyal behaviour forever.
The old fashioned way of male/female fidelity rules worked fine for the older generation, so he can go back to that. He loses modern privileges!
If thereās any push back then Iād take that as actions indicating he doesnāt truly want to be with me, but has chosen to stay for practical reasons rather than love.