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so I can have a big hand in raising them during the formative years. Early childhood is so important and I know that if I was a parent I would want to be as involved as possible.
This is the bit that jumped out at me. Now maybe BF had no issue with this. But contrast OP “claiming” the right to be as involved as possible with any children, with BFs:
Then he accused me of sneakily trying to force him into making me a stay-at-home wife (??????) while he busts ass at work.
Which…yeah. OP is quite literally setting up a scenario where she spends all the important formative years with their kids, while her partner doesn't because they're responsible for all the monies.
I would not have been comfortable with any arrangement with my wife that sidelined me to “breadwinner” while leaving her as “involved parent”.
He's getting a lot of hate here, but in OPs own words, the only specific issue he brought up about her rules (beyond having them) was the bit where she spends all her time with the children and he's responsible for funding it all by himself.
That’s why it took 3 years
To be honest, I don't understand it either. I wouldn't say she is not professionally progressing, since she essentially works in one of my dream companies. If anything I have always been proud of her for it. I also don't think she has anything to worry about work place because I have always been faithful; she hasn't really said anything along those lines either. You do bring up a very good point and tbh I hadn't thought much about seeking changes in my personal life. But if fights keep happening every day and there is no peace in life after work, then I might indeed be forced to seek changes in personal life.