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Having been the perpetrator of a thing like this in the past (punching a wall, and only once), I want you to know it is not normal and is not okay. I had to have that relationship end, realize that that behavior is a function of childhood abuse, and go through multiple years of therapy to learn just how abusive that behavior was and how much harm I had caused to my partner at the time (harm that wasn’t immediately apparent considering we were in a long term loving relationship, but came later in waves). I believe there are ways to work through this, but moving in at this point is only going to exacerbate this unless he gets help and begins to work through the root of what is causing this behavior. Something that, even if he does begin to do, can take a long time.
I genuinely appreciate the input because it seems like you’re coming from a genuine place. But I think you can understand that I’m not going to change my outlook because a random person says I’ll end up alone.
It’s probably worth pointing out that I don’t go around trying to punish everyone in my life. When someone does something wrong, I do usually call them out on it. But things aren’t so big a deal that I feel like I need to try to make someone feel the consequences of what they’ve done. But affairs are one of those things imo.
Mitigating factors
Which brings me to this. I’m not pretending to be a court of law. I go on the information I have and I’m not going to not act just because there might be information that I don’t have.
For me it’s as simple as: she cheated on her husband with his friend for years, her husband should find out. It gets more gray since the husband is dead, but if he can’t know then she shouldn’t get to interact with his family like she didn’t stab him in the back.
Why won't you judge the infidelity? You seemed to have all the smoke for him in his initial post.
He’s 23 with porn induced ED. You dodged a bullet.
You're responsible for your own emotions and how to deal with them.
If you wrote something that was taken the wrong way, then that's just what happened. We're not able to deep dive into your brain, we can't tell if you're neurodivergent or suffering from PTSD. You wrote something and it didn't go the way you wanted it to. It happens.
Go get some pro help, as having a go at the people you asked for advice, and thinking you have ptsd over gift giving are things for you to work through yourself. There's lots more going on there.
Also, stay off the sub if it traumatises you.
Oh my God, the fucking double standards here. If a dude has this search history, he's a dangerous rapist freak who will hurt women. I say I like to choke consenting partners who are into breath play after having a while discussion about it first, and people say I'm going to kill somebody and I need therapy. But a woman is into the same things and everybody is suddenly kink positive and understands that a person's appreciation of fantasy and power exchange doesn't mean they enjoy hurting people in real life.
Buy him out of the house and drop him from your life. Get therapy to understand why you allowed him to treat you like trash.
he also said on xmas when I said he basically “turned evil” he said “i outta beat the shit outta you right here.” Was horrible shocking to hear on that day. I had made turkey and stuffing and all of it for us to have and watch movies together. Up until Xmas he was acting kind, like a friend, and supportive, loving. I have no idea what flipped in his mind but now he’s consistently cruel since xmas. He’s gotten less saying of things like that bc maybe he realizes that is not wise so now he’s just cruel instead. It’s so stupid. He’s also ok to say F off to me over text. I know that sounds minor but in all our years together we don’t swear at eachother and if we have we make up asap and apologize. He said the F off when I asked for a clear answer if perhaps he’s now seeing someone and that’s why I’m garbage to him now? He said the F off and denies all dating etc and said I’m “ projecting”and I’m the one probably dating and accusing him so I have less guilt. He said he is not apologizing ever for the F off. I definitely think he’s being coached somewhere.
It sounds like you’re doing your best. Hopefully you’ll work something out. My BF moved in recently and it’s made things so much easier.
Your story is very well written
Jayus, leave this train wreck of a boy and find someone who thinks about you every once in a while
If you need to stay with this disaster, and i think that is a mistake, make him pick her or you and have the intelligence to enforce it.
I got married at 18 even though I had my doubts, and it was the single most stupid decision I have ever made. If you feel like you'll be throwing your life away, don't marry him. You just become an adult, and so much will change between now and when you're 25. Grow. Thrive. Be your own person before settling down.
You were in a relationship with a 17 year old when you were 22? Also stop forcing people to express themselves. And you stating you’ve never been toxic is already a sign you’re toxic, everyone is toxic. And your post alone emphasizes that. Get a therapist. Wanting to be the best person you can be doesn’t mean you are the best person you can be.