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Exactly, like why tell him NOW when he had all this time to share this info? It could be a way to get back at his ex
i think you did all the right things. the only thing i would add is getting an STD test now and in 6 months, that's something i think everyone should do if they find out they've been cheated on. ESPECIALLY because it's very possible he has done it before
Agree. I keep getting downvoted, but this thread is crazy. He said “can I have a BLT?” she said “How about sex and then a BLT?” and he got mad at her, so she felt bad, which is a totally normal reaction.
I just don't see what world that she's the bad guy here. Or as the poster below said she is “100% in the wrong.”
Even if we make the stretch that surprising your partner by offering sex on your birthday is a bad thing, it's still a well intentioned thing. You just turn down the offer kindly. It would be like me getting upset if my wife bought me a shirt I didn't like. “What is this shirt honey? You know I'm a large, and this is a medium. Why would you even think it's ok to buy me this? Is this some kind of fat joke?” The right response is “oh, thank you honey, this is great. Seems a little small though, we might have to exchange it, but thank you.” Or whatever.
I'm pretty sure the next time I get angry with my wife for asking if I want to have sex is the last time she'll try to initiate sex.
Dont stay with cheaters. Period
You weren't exclusive, hence it was not cheating. You are just guessing about the married man. Close friends discuss sexual difficulties.
What you found gives you no grounds for resentment.
However, you seem to be unhappy with your sex life and her sometimes rude communication style. These are the big issues. I would focus on these.
That’s entirely fair, and I appreciate your perspective and comment.
I’m just somewhat less confident, given precedents I’ve seen where Judges have said you should just let the guy steal your tv etc, because a tv isn’t worth violence…
And that’s no small part why I’ve fucked off and I online in the US now- here (depending on the state) there’s no ambiguity, you break into my house at night, you’re dying.
i slept a 19 year old when I was 23 and felt like a complete cad, so I don't know how you're so cavalier about a 7 year age gap when you're both 25 and under.
I'd tell her that's the reason you don't want to be with her like that, as you feel kind of like you're taking advantage of her (because, honestly, on face value that's what it looks like). I caution all of my students from chasing the “cool mature older person that says I'm mature for my age” because it always ends in disaster.
Brown eyes are gorgeous, your boyfriend is a dunce.
Didn't they do a tox screen? Did they find any drugs in her blood or just alcohol?
Break up with him and let him date someone who doesn’t try to force him into doing things he doesn’t want to do. If oral sex is more important to you than having a faithful, loving partner to spend forever with, then tell him that and be on your merry way.
No….
Red flags are a good bit more subjective than that.
I could say to my wife that she needs to delete her social media.
Then you could swoop in and throw a RED FLAG due to controlling behavior.
After which, my wife could thank me for reminding her to delete her own social media as was her decision to do.
How do you explain yourself?
Either my wife and I are both wrong in how we are going about our relationship…
or
You've come in and wrongly tried to apply a relationship standard that neither my wife nor I have chosen to abide by…
or
Red flags aren't the objective end-all be-all that you've claimed them to be. Perhaps red flags are often purely subjective occurrences, and you be best off acknowledging them as such.
In this case, the values difference surrounding the sacredness of sex throws the long-term viability of this new relationship into doubt.
Sounds like a red flag to me.
Late 20’s lesbian here, I have established roots in my local queer community, but that wasn’t something I had until my early 20’s. I promise as you get to spend more time in queer spaces and grow up into it a bit you’ll be in the know and have a much easier time navigating these situations.
If you or your partners are intoxicated while you’re having sex, everyone should be in the know. Their use is their business, but when you’re involved in it you should be informed. It’s best for everyone’s safety, and is important for consent.
If you’re ever unsure if a situation is okay, ask yourself if things are safe, people are of sound enough mind, and everything is consensual. If you can’t answer yes to those 3 things, something is not right.
I don’t think you’re over reacting, this is a good thing to sit down with them about and let them know that you expect to be looped in when they’re taking drugs, and that you may not want to participate if they do (or, maybe you watch and offer support/ light participation if they want to continue). Consent needs to be freely given, and freely withdrawn.
By the way, r/polyamory would be a great place to post this for advice from fellow non monogamous and polyam people. Hope to see you there!
Hormones are a HUGE part of sex drive. It could be from stress, if you’re taking certain meds, life changes, diet, medical conditions, all sorts of stuff. Best thing you can do is get checked to see if it’s something medical. There’s nothing wrong with you though. Sex drive fluctuates a ton and it can change from the smallest things. Just don’t blame yourself for something like this, you literally can’t control it.
Honestly, I feel like socially a FFM is considered more acceptable, a guy being a womanizer and so on, but when you think about it biologically a MMF makes waaay more sense.
Like, how does a guy benefit from 2 women? So he can spend 30s on each, then be exhausted? At least women can finish multiple times.
You are insecure or needy your letting her know what you’ll put up with and what you won’t. If she doesn’t listen then find one who you don’t even have to tell her all this. Trust I know you probably love her this and that but if she’s doing this kinda shit already and it’s okay in her mind it’s just the start. Don’t let her wear the pants