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italian not french
Right now you are in charge of the power dynamic. You need to take advantage of this by clearly establishing … whatever you want to call it: ground rules, boundaries, whatever.
Sexual frequency and variety. Yelling or verbal abuse on her part will not be tolerated. Add to the list my man…
You’ve got one shot to set up your dream relationship. Every day you lose power.
Or that he has a friend to whom that happened.
You guys have septic tanks?
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
My partner used to watch A LOT of porn growing up, and he does watch a fair bit (though he’s agreed to cut it out). He has always never been open about the kind of porn he watches – I would encourage him to be open with his kinks and explore it together, but he never did.
Recently, however, I was using the computer (shared for work) and opened the wrong file – he had labelled it as “career”, hence the confusion… and I found hundreds upon hundreds of videos, all organised into super specific categories (like Asian porn, types of Asian porn, then types of acts within those types – THAT specific)!
I was shocked at how much there was and also the contents of it. Within the first page I saw teens (18+), schoolgirls, milfs, shemale, furry, cartoon beastiality, trap yaoi, hentai etc. the school girls and teens immediately shocked me – and there were tons of videos of women, some of who looked very young, dressed as school girls. In some of the teen videos, there were also women clearly trying to portray a younger age. It creeped me out entirely, to say the least. He also had folders dedicated to specific celebrities, a few of which clearly looked VERY young (Alyssa hart being one of them).
I thought it couldn’t get worse, but then I stupidly opened up his hentai folder. And yeah, there were hundreds of videos and images and hentai comics. And it was all kinds of hentai too – even loli and trap shota. (He had a whole file dedicated to something called shadbase). He also had seriously concerning porn of specific tv shows – think gravity falls, teen titans, & the invincibles.
I am so disgusted and horrified by what he jerks off too. I feel like my fiancé has been a fcked up pervert / pedophile all this time, and it sickens me, especially knowing that he wants to work in a field with children.
I communicated with him about what I had found and he freaked out. He essentially justified it by saying the following:
he disassociates a lot from porn and don’t think about the ages, he says he imagines the lolis as petite women, but if they look too young it’s an immediate turn off, or at least puts him off it
he has a kink SPECIFICALLY for facial expressions, as in, faces of pleasure. If the porn depicts good facial expressions of the women being horny, he doesn’t focus / care for the body type, age, or story’s. I feel this is true because he has looked at a whole range of porn (yes, we went through it together after), including milfs, curvy, SUPER muscly (like women on steroids) and even furry porn on occasion. He has even looked at trans women putting sticks down their ducks because he says he likes watching them feel good from it?? Essentially, he’ll hop on to a porn site and browse the various stuff. And he’ll then click on whatever facial expressions get his interest.
he says has NEVER been attracted to children, nor looked at real life stuff, and finds the thought of it completely disgusting, he’s extremely horrified that I have thoughts of him like this
he has never actively gone looking for the loli stuff, it just pops up while he’s browsing and if it’s okay he’ll work it in to his fap session
he has agreed to never ever look at the concerning type of content again, and recognises that he disassociated a lot. He felt that porn is just fantasy so he always overlooked it
he has never given any other red flag behavior wise, and he still seems to be very much attracted to me
he says he only wants to work with kids because he himself was abused by his parents growing up and had no support, so he wants to support others in a way he couldn’t have
I would also like to mention that I was r*ped by a pedophile when I was 3, and have a lot of trauma from that. So that could definitely impact my perspective.
So, what do I do with this information? I feel like the guy I knew isn’t the guy I’ve fallen in love with. We’ve been together for over 7 years. I feel crushed and hurt, but I can’t tell if it’s my anxiety and I’m overthinking or this is clearly an issue. How do I navigate this 🙁
Look I have a uterus, but I believe men do deserve to know 100% that any child is theirs. It should be standard to administer paternity tests before baby is sent home. The person who births a child will always have complete certainty the child is biologically theirs, I think it’s only fair for men to have the same right.