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I'm 35 and she's 33. We have been married 7 years after dating for another 5. We have 2 great daughters (ages 9 and 6) and I thought we had a terrific relationship until very recently. Recently, we seem to argue more and she complains I don't spend enough time with the kids (even though I spend my free time during the weekdays with them and all day Saturday and sunday) up to the point where she wants me to quit.
Now, she's talking about wanting to open the relationship up and invite strangers to have swx with her both at our house and outside. I said I wouldn't agree at all to do this but she made it clear I have no choice.
How do I convince her otherwise?
Don't stay with someone who makes your skin crawl. It sounds like he likes images and pictures but not people IRL. Real people are messy. Images are fantasies. This guy needs a lot of help if he's ever going to have a healthy romantic relationship with another real, live person.
Is your relationship good other than this? I'm guessing not. Sounds like he just doesn't like you, to be honest, and he's making up reasons to be mad at you.
You can't compromise with someone who's being unreasonable. He's asking you to be a mind reader. Go on strike. Stop cooking for him. If he wants his plain ass pasta and sauce from a jar he can make it his damn self, it takes 10 minutes.
I don't think I could stay in this arrangement, but I understand why it's tricky for you. That gut reaction you had, that “unfair” feeling, wasn't about anything being unfair. She's able to make a boundary and communicate it to you, which is great. What you're feeling is disappointment. That's why you felt blindsided. It's an otherwise great thing that will be missing something many people are looking for. I'd listen to your gut. You're already upset by this. You're not compatible. It would be best for both of you to communicate that and move on.
It really isn’t. People too often want to use it as a substitute for admitting hot realities to themselves.