I think happy, in general.. just feel like he does a lot of âbucket dippingâ fro me and never any bucket filling. The divorce was a âjokeâ, not a threat, and no, itâs not about the earrings. I just wanted him to make an effort for once and thought I made it really easy for him to do so. It extra hurt that he didnât, and that it was for a special occasion for me and knew it was important because I flat out told him – this is important to me!
My ex did say things to him that were highly inappropriate and he behaved angrily and aggressively when we visited and my brother's new bf was there. He's young but he's old enough to understand and deserved an explanation. I would have much preferred to keep my ex's thoughts about him completely separate but it wasn't an option. My brother already has insecurities due to behavior from other adults in his life and how my ex has treated him has fed into that.
The problem wasn't you leaving. That was probably the best thing you did. The problem was you being an abusive alcoholic. Now, your decisions do not matter in the relationship. Your decisions got you where you are. Now, your decisions only affect you because you need to respect your victims wishes.
I think it depends on what kind of commitment you've made, though. Should you leave your spouse because they get cancer? Of course not. But people leave their boyfriends for all kinds of reasons. If someone is no longer making you happy or you're missing a huge component of a romantic relationship (like attraction), and there's no sign that things will get better, are you still obligated to stay with them indefinitely?
OP may be kind of shallow, but she can't change that overnight. She no longer wants to be with this guy. Dating someone who does not want to be with you can't be a pleasant experience or one that most people would knowingly choose. It's best for both of them if she leaves.
What you think you know is a monumental misconception.
To just address her and get it out of the way, sheâs an absolute leech and nightmare, so Iâm not going to sit here and act like sheâs not terrible. But realistically I canât possibly imagine this is some sort of new situation.
Which brings us to you. I now feel a need to disclaim that Iâm yet again not discounting her behavior. Sheâs awful. But hard as it will be for you and many others to believe, youâre doing this to yourself, and youâre doing it willingly.
This situation can be kept simple; youâre (and by âyouâ I mean both of you) are in a very bad financial situation. To back up, Iâm truly sorry because that can be severely frustrating and stressful. I hope you can get out of it.
But youâre here making an argument that she shouldnât complain that you donât buy her certain things because you buy her other huge things. Thatâs not an argument. You shouldnât be buying those other things. Itâs not about not being a provider or being a bad husband; you straight up canât afford to do so.
So while youâre logically right to say no to things in your situation, the truth is youâre not saying no enough. More importantly, youâre not sitting down with her and laying out reality. Separately, youâve obviously made bad decisions, but if sheâs fully aware of your financial situation and is acting like this, in the nicest of terms you need to fucking call and lawyer and run.
So what do you do? Say no. Youâre lost? About what? She wants things. You have no money. The end. You need a reality check about not only your relationship, but life. Good luck.
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I think happy, in general.. just feel like he does a lot of âbucket dippingâ fro me and never any bucket filling. The divorce was a âjokeâ, not a threat, and no, itâs not about the earrings. I just wanted him to make an effort for once and thought I made it really easy for him to do so. It extra hurt that he didnât, and that it was for a special occasion for me and knew it was important because I flat out told him – this is important to me!
My ex did say things to him that were highly inappropriate and he behaved angrily and aggressively when we visited and my brother's new bf was there. He's young but he's old enough to understand and deserved an explanation. I would have much preferred to keep my ex's thoughts about him completely separate but it wasn't an option. My brother already has insecurities due to behavior from other adults in his life and how my ex has treated him has fed into that.
The problem wasn't you leaving. That was probably the best thing you did. The problem was you being an abusive alcoholic. Now, your decisions do not matter in the relationship. Your decisions got you where you are. Now, your decisions only affect you because you need to respect your victims wishes.
Youâre definitely right.
I think it depends on what kind of commitment you've made, though. Should you leave your spouse because they get cancer? Of course not. But people leave their boyfriends for all kinds of reasons. If someone is no longer making you happy or you're missing a huge component of a romantic relationship (like attraction), and there's no sign that things will get better, are you still obligated to stay with them indefinitely?
OP may be kind of shallow, but she can't change that overnight. She no longer wants to be with this guy. Dating someone who does not want to be with you can't be a pleasant experience or one that most people would knowingly choose. It's best for both of them if she leaves.
What you think you know is a monumental misconception.
To just address her and get it out of the way, sheâs an absolute leech and nightmare, so Iâm not going to sit here and act like sheâs not terrible. But realistically I canât possibly imagine this is some sort of new situation.
Which brings us to you. I now feel a need to disclaim that Iâm yet again not discounting her behavior. Sheâs awful. But hard as it will be for you and many others to believe, youâre doing this to yourself, and youâre doing it willingly.
This situation can be kept simple; youâre (and by âyouâ I mean both of you) are in a very bad financial situation. To back up, Iâm truly sorry because that can be severely frustrating and stressful. I hope you can get out of it.
But youâre here making an argument that she shouldnât complain that you donât buy her certain things because you buy her other huge things. Thatâs not an argument. You shouldnât be buying those other things. Itâs not about not being a provider or being a bad husband; you straight up canât afford to do so.
So while youâre logically right to say no to things in your situation, the truth is youâre not saying no enough. More importantly, youâre not sitting down with her and laying out reality. Separately, youâve obviously made bad decisions, but if sheâs fully aware of your financial situation and is acting like this, in the nicest of terms you need to fucking call and lawyer and run.
So what do you do? Say no. Youâre lost? About what? She wants things. You have no money. The end. You need a reality check about not only your relationship, but life. Good luck.