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Call her bluff. If she has an actual video of this then tell her to send you a copy. We all know it doesn't exist. Warm her first, however, that there will be legal repercussions for her whether it's a video of what she claims it is or not. She's either trying to extort money or slander his name.
Do it, but be gentle and prepare for her to be on the defense. Whether she wants to hear it or not, planting these seeds will either drive her to leave him now, or allow her to build up the courage to do it over time (since I doubt he’s interested in changing his behavior). Just look out in case she tries to lash out at you instead.
The only thing I would change about your response would be to tell him that if he was truthful in threatening suicide that you would call the police and have him temporarily committed.
Go by yourself. decide whether you want to fly or drive (how much it will cost to include lodging). Not sure why you would invite someone you fight with on a road trip since you argue all the time.
In situations like this, I think you have a choice to make because this is your problem and not his. I think you might be expecting him to change, but you’re the one who is wanting something different. If you want to have a boyfriend who travels and does fun things, then you should do that. Or instead of looking at your boyfriend for what he isn’t doing, I think you could appreciate him for what he is doing. It sounds like he’s making his kid a priority and being a good dad, and I think that is pretty admirable.
You guys are way too old for this kind of shit. Use a fcking condom.