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You chose to use the word “force.”
This dude does not need to be your husband. He needs to be your ex-husband. We're just strangers on the internet confirming what you already feel.
As someone who loves their partner, don’t pursue it unless you mean if. It is expensive, time consuming and super fucking confusing. If I didn’t love my husband I wouldn’t have done this.
If your name is the only one on the lease, check your state’s laws to make sure he doesn’t have a strong case to remain.
But you can offer him a month for him to find other housing. Or you both move out once the lease ends. It’s not healthy or fair to you to stay in an unhappy relationship just because it’s easier or that what’s only one party wants.
You need to truly decide what you want. And if that means you want to end things, then you need to figure out a way to make sure that happens. Don’t let someone else dictate what you should and should not do.
YOu can do all the crazy freaky things that they can think of. Just would need to be you they do it with. If it HAS to be other people then it's a deal breaker.
But frankly I have a very high body count and a quicky with somebody you have a real connection with is 10x better than crazy porn style sex with somebody you don't.
We are native English speaking, yeah. Maybe that is the case and I’m being rude here.
She did mention herself that ‘she felt a bit weird getting the album because it’s her music’ but ‘she thought i might like it’. I replied saying I liked it but didn’t elaborate. Didn’t know if I should have said anything.
That's understandable reaction but sadly we can't know what we can't know. Based on what OPs said I'd say they should drop the gf and help their sister. With the caveat of being honest with themselves. If the gf was willing to work with them and they just didn't like the options provided that's not toxic that's just not seeing eye to eye.
Y’all are in your 30’s??!
To all reading this: she’s poly and he is monogamous minded. Terms of the marriage were changed and that’s the sexual incompatibility. Read her prior posts. To OP: please let this man have a normal life. You live! how ever you deem fit and let him find someone who wants only him.
Your husband is a cad who betrayed you in the sleaziest way possible. Make him your ex. You deserve to be with people who treat you with kindness and respect, not contempt.
You have no evidence it didn't mean something. However, it meaning something to him… doesn't mean much. As I said, it would not help him process the trauma.
Especially as clearly he doesn't even seem willing to call it what it is. If he isn't even at the level the trauma is being acknowledged then really there is no hope of him ever truly moving past it. And whether you like it or not if it wasn't this arbitrary thing that sent him spiralling it would have been something else, like even without the guy you slept with that jealousy was not going anywhere in general, that would have caused a breakdown eventually.
This isn't ranting, this is just putting these ideas into words. And I hope as you do it you start to see the ways in which maybe you set unrealistic expectations, or how many things involved him taking steps it is clear he is just incapable of taking.
He was proof you can love, that you can care. That's what you need to focus on, the reality you can form those bonds. It will just be that those in future are hopefully more capable of reciprocating.
So, I tried. And I explained how I have been feeling and how her opinion of him really hurts me. She just said she doesn’t have a bad opinion of him. She just thinks he isn’t good enough for me.
She’s been very nude to communicate with since she moved away. Things have been really very hot. She doesn’t reply to me much. We only talk for maybe an hour a month on the phone. So, I haven’t really been able to properly get more into it.
Fair points.
That just feels like it doesn’t make him happy. He is an introvert, I am too untill I really care about someone and then I become an extravert. So I get that I can cost a lot of energy sometimes, I mean I really want a lot of attention when I can be with him.
this sounds like it will continue to be an issue unless you both really make an effort to understand each other. this includes you trying to understand him, not just saying “oh well this is how i am, it should be that way for him too”
i am an introvert with need for alone time whether or not i love and am in love with my partner. sounds like your partner is that way too.