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He shouldn't be your bf
I agree that I personally don’t see a way back for either of them here but op and his wife are clear in that they do not want to separate. With that in mind, op needs clear sexual boundaries. His wife needs to learn how to communicate. Individual therapy for both and couples therapy is the best way forward.
What is the obvious?
I've read this thing two times and I can't figure out why he's mad at you. But one thing I do know: he's punishing and making you apologise setting very healthy bounderies, and that's never good.
The relationship isn’t bad. We don’t fight, get along better than most it seems and between the two of us, provide a great lifestyle/home life. It’s not JUST for the kids, they were just the last string hanging on at the worst of times that kept us together. There’s just a lot of resentment and distrust built up on my side but also, a lot of emotional walls. If it came to it, I’d divorce no problem. It’d just be dumb to now. Not like I’m ever trusting another person or trying to get married again.
I understand that and that’s why I told him I have no interest in going back to that life style. I just want to be with him but I don’t want him to keep cheating
Thank you. After all the wonderful messages I got on here, and speaking with my partner and some friends, I ended up writing back to Dad, basically saying “I love you, I love the relationship you and Alex have. I like Alex's family, but family isn't a word I'm ready to use yet.”