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Model from: jp
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OP,
My wife will never eat left overs, except when I make a soup or a stew, then next day it just tastes better to her. After the 3rd day, nope, not at all. If we order in and she doesn't eat something, she will tell me to put it in the fridge, but she won't eat it, so I either take it for lunch or throw it away if it is not something that I like.
Stale drinks is not something that comes up, she used to drink a lot of soda's but she would only drink cans and usually made a glass with ice then put the soda in.
Now, as to your financials, its really not that big of a deal. You have your account, she has hers and your both have a joint on to pay the bills. BUT you have to split all costs 50/50. So if she makes less her bank account is lower, less savings. Then what about the costs associated with children's clothing's, sports, etc. Again you have to talk about this, should be 50/50.
As to the the last name, not a big deal to some, my wife kept her last name. Now what about your children's last name? Hers or yours? How will you handle if she says hers?
Also the total number of children, remember she is the one that is carrying them but to switch the numbers before even having them is odd.
With all the changes that she is making after you all discussed it sounds like something else is going on. To me it sounds like she is not really committed in this relationship and at the first sign of trouble will try to leave. You also note that she is BPD, that in itself to me would make me look nude at wanting to marry her. I know some that have wonderful relationships and others that fall apart because this gets out of hand in their marriage.
You might want to have a pre-nup made. Something along the lines of if the marriage fails you each get 50/50 with the children, no alimony, no child support and the house sells and split of the difference. This way your protected in every way possible if her BPD causes the split.
Or you figure out if you really want to tie yourself to someone who changes her mind and you only find out once she gets angry.