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Addict in long-term recovery, here.
It sounds like he needs meetings of his own.
/u/ThrowRAtohelpmyrelat – have you sought any kind of support or therapy for your mother's addiction? Granted, she's been sober for longer than you've been alive, but the focus on her sober birthdays is just not healthy, for the both of you. It reads more like she is doing what she has to in order to keep cranking the clock forward to get a sober date, and not doing the work to put in a full and functioning life in recovery.
I recommend Al-Anon or Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA) meetings.
Him blocking you on everything was a blessing in disguise. Make sure he can never contact you again, this man is abusive and doesn’t care about you.
I’m also sorry about your mother.
Accusing you of being controlling for asking not to online in squalor is some audacity! Trash, food, and stuff like that are totally unacceptable. Clutter is a bit different… but it sounds like she is being lazy, and getting defensive when being called out on it. You have to be direct. Tell her calmly that you can no longer live! this way and see if she is willing to have a conversation about compromising so that you are comfortable in your living space. Home shouldn't be a source of anxiety. If she deflects, gaslights, accuses you of being controlling, pouts etc… just redirect her and explain that you want to resolve this issue and need to have a conversation about it. If she is unwilling, you have your answer.
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Thank you for your reply and perspective. It helps a lot.
Yes. OP is emotionally unstable and needy, I recently dumped a guy who made me responsible for all his many worries and emotions.
Help her write a resume, help her find classes to attend and help her fill out financial aid applications. Stop enabling her. Help her seek child support money from deadbeat dad. Don't do any of those things for her, help as in give advice and push to keep going. Then she will set up her future for her and her kid forever.
More likely, there was never a plan & he’s telling you that you ruined everything by, you know, asking what the plans were.
It’s like being pro-life until you get pregnant. “It’s different you wouldn’t understand “ nonsense. Absolute hypocrites. Truly deplorable humans, they exist in public by hiding their hate and only unleashing it on those who it’ll affect the most
Hey if anyone is willing to take mine (29 male) I'll make you tacos. It's a steal!