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You might not want to consider divorce, but your husband literally wants to sleep with other people. I’d say this is worse than you think and after 17 years, this isn’t a solution but a foot out the door. I’ve been married 17 years too but neither of us would ever consider sleeping with anyone else no matter what. I see your issue but if he is pushing this, he’s frustrated enough to go.
It wouldn’t change anything.
Her reasons don’t mean your reasons.
The obvious reason. You didn’t know her well enough to know the problems of your relationship. You have fantasy glasses on. You saw the person you wished she was, not who she was. People can eventually tell.