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Because being ignorant isn’t a good thing? People love using annulment and gaslighting wrong on this sub and it’s so annoying.
You're clearly overwhelmed and you know what? That's fine. That's normal. You're in a state of shock.
So first thing? Allow yourself that shock. You're a human being, not some sort of unfeeling alien, so be kind to yourself. Your partner betrayed you, so the person who now needs to have your back more than anyone else is yourself. And that includes self-care like allowing yourself a bit of time to let things sink in.
The truth is that this isn't some magical thing that has just happened the moment you discovered it. Your wife is the same person – a cheater – she was last week or the week before that. All that changed is that you now know about it – and yes, that does change your world completely, but what I want to say is: You're not on a timer where you need to get over everything in the next two hours or everything implodes. Depending on how you function, you can play the long game.
If you need some time to let things sink in because otherwise you can't function, then that's what it is. Sure, you probably can't act like everything is great, so see what you can do about that – you could fake an illness and explain acting differently like that. You could claim to take a “business trip” when you are, in fact, taking a few days off to go on a small vacation to clear your thoughts. You could confide in a friend and stay at their place for a few days; the friend could cover for you and say that they are in a tough spot and need you there. Whatever – basically, you need to do what you can to go back to functioning.
Because you are not just a husband who got cheated on. You are also a father and you need to be able to function for your kids. This means that you need to go and see a lawyer and let them help you to get your ducks in a row to ensure that you get put into a position where you can be the best dad to your kids you can be.
And yes, this will require strength and every part about this sucks. You don't deserve to be put into this position. Your kids don't deserve it, either. But your wife didn't care about that, so instead, you need to care about yourself and your kids. Which means to first get yourself back out of this abyss and then get yourself legal help (lawyer) as well as mental help (be it actual therapy or just a good support network of friends and family who will have your back). If you find yourself suffering from the things you are experiencing now long-term, you might also need medication. And all of that is fine – it is just important that you take care of yourself. Breathe. One step after the next. Everyone here is screaming “lawyer” and that is completely correct, but just expecting someone who just had his whole world shattered to simply get up and make that call is a bit of an illusion. You need to get the proof saved ASAP and you do need to see a lawyer in short order as well, before she catches on, but it is completely fine to collect yourself first and give yourself a bit. Nothing good will come out of you being a wreck and not functioning, but still attempting things which will just lead to issues later on (like not gathering the proof or not speaking with a lawyer before confronting your wife). So take a step back for a day or two or three until you can think again and are less emotionally overwhelmed.
Yikes, I'm so sorry what a terrible thing to say to someone.
I had an ex who would occasionally make jokes about my body parts in passing. And then he wondered why I stopped wanting to have sex with him.
I met my husband when I was 18. We got married when I was 19 and he was 23. We’re still together after 13 years. When you know, you know. Sure, things might be harder. And you’ll have to support each other as you grow as people. There will be sacrifices to make. But if you’re really compatible, you can make each other grow into better people than you would have been on your own.
Just for the record, once someone lies in their post it should be immediate disqualification for sympathy and advice. (the lie is near the end of this comment)
Why did OP go to a restaurant, stay long enough and chat long enough for a manager (who is a stranger) to offer her a ride home and then immediately go to another restaurant with friends? Was she alone? Why didn't she wait to hook up with friends. Why didn't she call her friends to pick her up on the way to the NEXT restaurant?
Who does that?
A part of me recognises this isn’t the relationship I deserve considering other aspects too
Oh, here it comes. The obligatory my boyfriend treats me really bad, so he deserves this and I deserve better rationality. Gotta get the man haters on board.
Hmm…
Girlfriend is in another country. Meets a random older man who offers a ride. (was GF alone at the restaurant?) Calls boyfriend and TELLS HIM older man offered her a ride. BF obviously has a problem with it as she said he replied “you already agreed, what can I do” GF doesn't care that BF is bothered by this goes anyway. Gets dropped off. Doesn't call BF back to let him know she got back to hotel safely. Immediately goes out to dinner at another restaurant. (???) Doesn't look at her phone for hours (lol) Gets mad that BF wasn't concerned for her safety.
Now, the rest of it contains “Also moments before the blocking we were talking about engagement and having a heart to heart.” How could he have blocked you moments after you had a conversation if you disappeared for a few hours and didn't return his calls?
Two scenarios here.
A. OP cheated, wants this sub to help figure out how to turn this around.
B. Op got mad at BF for not being cool with her leaving a restaurant with a man she did not know and didn't call him to let hm know she was ok and now wants justification from strangers that her shitty behavior and poor choices are logical and rational. BF bad!
I hope he never unblocks you, he deserves better.
My advice: find a different job. You have real estate experience, do your research find a job that is tangentially related but pays and is not commission based. Askamanager.org has tons of great advice. Off the top of my head working as a paralegal at a real estate law firm.
My other advice would be to research live about what the laws are in your city/state regarding divorce and custody. Come up with a plan to end this. It sounds like your wife wants out too. Take the emotion out of it and calmly discuss if you can.
I mean… what exactly did you expect? You didn’t told her something big like that in person but through a phone call. Some people don’t want to date Trans women and that’s totally fine. She also needs time to process what you just told her. So idk what you really expected
With all due respect that sort of response tends to come about due to trauma or manipulation. Does she have a bad past or is her job especially bad?
HELL NO!!!! I m so mad for you!!! I dare someone to spit in my face….sever all ties, cut your losses and move on!!!!
I'm so upset
I’m replying because I am listening. I’m trying to have a conversation. I guess I don’t know how reddit works because that seems to be garnering hate.
100% agree