I need to find the happiness I had before I met her. I was becoming so confident in myself. Now after a few short months of dating her, I speak to a therapist twice a week and prescribed lexapro.
Seriously, you gotta get over your insecurity.. because I promise you it will drive your partner away. I've been down this road before myself.. I'm just below average, and I obsessed about it.. it was one of many insecurities that drove her away. Women like men who are secure above all. And being good with your hands and tongue helps as well lol.
Life generally requires some routine, so it’s both for me. You have to be good with the balance of fun and normality. We always have an adventure or two planned as I think it helps to know that there’s something other than perpetual responsibility in the future and try to have a couple of nights out here and there to break things up, then get on with the boring job of being a responsible adult.
Reading your post, it sounds like you’re effectively together 24/7? I think that would be a killer for me too tbh, it’s nice to have a person, it’s good to be able to split responsibilities and help each other out too.. but it’s also really important to have some time to be yourself.. did/does that exist?
It took a minute to write it out. I tried really hard to keep personal feelings out of it. I went through something similar and it was bad. There is no hate like the hate of someone who’s not used to getting everything they want.
I would suggest reading a little about sunken cost fallacy. It explains why we sometimes stay in relationships longer than we could because we view our time as a form of currency and we have already 'spent' so much on that relationship that it's nude to step away. We stay not for the relationship, but for the work we've put in. All people are, to a point, transactional and when we put something in, we expect some sort of return. Even as kids, we are taught that hot work comes with rewards.
That isn't true in interactions with others. You can put in all the naked work and still get nothing out of it. Extending a relationship that isn't working because you've put so much time in it just delays the inevitable and leads you to putting in even more time without return.
It honestly sounds like the one that needs therapy is your girlfriend. I'm willing to bet if her parents are on board with her train of thought, she either hasn't told them the full truth or has flat out lied. What she's asking isn't normal in a relationship your length. Therapists also can't predict abusive behavior. Many abusers are also master manipulators and they aren't going to go in therapy and tell the truth. There's a reason they say never go to therapy with your abuser. Therapy is a wonderful thing – I love my therapist – but if you aren't honest and there of your own volition to really do the work, you don't get much out of it.
This seems like a recurring problem with your girlfriend and I just want you to think how this would work in the future. If you're married and have kids and a friend cheats, is she going to take the kids and walk? I think you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of instability. I won't say break up, but I'd say think really naked about how you want your life to look. Because I don't think this is it.
Confessing to her would be like playing Russian Roulette with 5 bullets in the gun.
Usually when friends transition into dating… there is some sign or indication for the 'shoot your shot' to have a positive outcome. Such as reciprocated flirting or cute text messages etc.
From the sounds of it… you have nothing that would indicate a positive outcome.
On that note, the likely outcome is to make this weird for everyone and potentially put all friendships here in a challenging position.
So, I think you should keep it to yourself and not risk anything.
Perhaps seeing her date others, will help squash your feelings over time. I think your feelings are strong because hope was always on the table, a door open.
Well, the door is clearly now. And you'll likely spend less time together as a result of her dating. That will help you move on.
In the meantime, I think it would be good for you to make an on-line dating profile and start seeing what else is out there.
There are plenty of options and amazing women out there. You will find someone who is actually attainable and you think just as highly about.
So how do I avoid it?
I need to find the happiness I had before I met her. I was becoming so confident in myself. Now after a few short months of dating her, I speak to a therapist twice a week and prescribed lexapro.
Seriously, you gotta get over your insecurity.. because I promise you it will drive your partner away. I've been down this road before myself.. I'm just below average, and I obsessed about it.. it was one of many insecurities that drove her away. Women like men who are secure above all. And being good with your hands and tongue helps as well lol.
When I was still in the dating scene, I liked to meet the family immediately, kinda how we do it out here in the country
She’s going to have sex w all of them…lol you should go on a trip w a bunch of girls she never met, if she doesn’t care she’s not the one. Lol
No because that my responsibility
Life generally requires some routine, so it’s both for me. You have to be good with the balance of fun and normality. We always have an adventure or two planned as I think it helps to know that there’s something other than perpetual responsibility in the future and try to have a couple of nights out here and there to break things up, then get on with the boring job of being a responsible adult.
Reading your post, it sounds like you’re effectively together 24/7? I think that would be a killer for me too tbh, it’s nice to have a person, it’s good to be able to split responsibilities and help each other out too.. but it’s also really important to have some time to be yourself.. did/does that exist?
It took a minute to write it out. I tried really hard to keep personal feelings out of it. I went through something similar and it was bad. There is no hate like the hate of someone who’s not used to getting everything they want.
I would suggest reading a little about sunken cost fallacy. It explains why we sometimes stay in relationships longer than we could because we view our time as a form of currency and we have already 'spent' so much on that relationship that it's nude to step away. We stay not for the relationship, but for the work we've put in. All people are, to a point, transactional and when we put something in, we expect some sort of return. Even as kids, we are taught that hot work comes with rewards.
That isn't true in interactions with others. You can put in all the naked work and still get nothing out of it. Extending a relationship that isn't working because you've put so much time in it just delays the inevitable and leads you to putting in even more time without return.
It honestly sounds like the one that needs therapy is your girlfriend. I'm willing to bet if her parents are on board with her train of thought, she either hasn't told them the full truth or has flat out lied. What she's asking isn't normal in a relationship your length. Therapists also can't predict abusive behavior. Many abusers are also master manipulators and they aren't going to go in therapy and tell the truth. There's a reason they say never go to therapy with your abuser. Therapy is a wonderful thing – I love my therapist – but if you aren't honest and there of your own volition to really do the work, you don't get much out of it.
This seems like a recurring problem with your girlfriend and I just want you to think how this would work in the future. If you're married and have kids and a friend cheats, is she going to take the kids and walk? I think you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of instability. I won't say break up, but I'd say think really naked about how you want your life to look. Because I don't think this is it.
Yea you were always looking to leave this wasn’t the reason
Confessing to her would be like playing Russian Roulette with 5 bullets in the gun.
Usually when friends transition into dating… there is some sign or indication for the 'shoot your shot' to have a positive outcome. Such as reciprocated flirting or cute text messages etc.
From the sounds of it… you have nothing that would indicate a positive outcome.
On that note, the likely outcome is to make this weird for everyone and potentially put all friendships here in a challenging position.
So, I think you should keep it to yourself and not risk anything.
Perhaps seeing her date others, will help squash your feelings over time. I think your feelings are strong because hope was always on the table, a door open.
Well, the door is clearly now. And you'll likely spend less time together as a result of her dating. That will help you move on.
In the meantime, I think it would be good for you to make an on-line dating profile and start seeing what else is out there.
There are plenty of options and amazing women out there. You will find someone who is actually attainable and you think just as highly about.