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I’ve never really been that bothered about getting married. My partner and I have been together 13 years, have a child and bought a house together. He proposed in 2017, but we’ve just never bothered getting married. I just don’t get what the big deal is with marriage. I think buying a house and having a child together is a bigger commitment, and I always say if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Works for us. If marriage is a deal breaker for you, then maybe you should end things. It’s up to you if you can live with not being married, but always ensure your happiness comes first. Life is too short. Best of luck.
Since the gift was already sent out, then there isn't much you can do. Let it arrive and see what happens. From now till then just keep your distance and give her space to figure out what she wants.
I explained how I shit in a different bathroom than I brush or shower. I guess if you only have one bathroom those might be considerations.
How does your boyfriend feel about what happened?
I’ll just say this (it’s one of my personal rules for life):
Don’t push someone so far away that they don’t come back.
Based on what you’ve expressed, your husband may have pushed you too far. Only you know whether that’s true or not.
You made an agreement, and he has no right to expect you to act as a mother when that was not the agreement.
I do believe you screwed yourself over by not having a legally binding agreement drawn up. It will probably cause you a lot of problems in the future. You might want to see an attorney now to see if anything can be done.
Why is he still your boyfriend?
He shouldn’t have touched you at all but you’ve both probably treated each other like shit for some time now. Why’d you hit him back? I’m not an equal rights, equal fights person, that’s neckbeard/bro logic, but don’t hit back. I’ve had former GFs hit me and I just waited for the right moment and then left. When someone hits you, they lose all moral high ground immediately. Don’t hit them back unless they’re trying to hurt you, then defend yourself at all costs.
My advice is to turn yourself into the police for being a pedophile. Leave that baby tf alone!
With that logic, might as well look at your income for the last 16 years and divide out by what percentage each brought..
No you shouldn't stay with him. I'd be ashamed to have a partner talk about me the way you talk about him (and I know you're not doing it out of malice). This isn't a good dynamic for any relationship.
When guys find someone attractive they can often be friendlier than they normally would be with other people. It's super shallow, but it happens, perhaps subconsciously. But if he is still doing this after you told him it bothers you, that could be concerning.
It's also very possible that they just get along well on a friendly level, they might just have a lot in common. It is possible to make a connection on a pure friends basis, as long is it's all on the up-and-up. It is kind of convenient that this girl is exactly his type though.
This is definitely a flag for me:
I’ve caught him being understanding and friendly towards her about things, when he bullies and is mean to me about the same thing
Have you told your boyfriend this specific thing?
There is still no benefit from seeing her ex. If she didn’t have pre existing guilt about and there was as nothing to worry about, she would’ve just met him and not come to Reddit to look for validation. Not one person, especially OP, can justify this meetup…
LEAVE NOW
DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN
my ex used to downplay hitting me in the arm all the time and eventually one day when he'd been drinking he lost it and tried to kill me
Introverted girl here.
What are his interests? Who are his friends? What are his values?
If you can enjoy how he spends his time, that's a way to spend more time together. If he reads books, ask him to recommend some, read it, then discuss it. He won't have a ton of friends, just a select few, so if you meet them, and you get on well with those friends, it helps a lot.
Values are the base of relationships. Cute is not enough to build a future on, but if you want the same things, if you have similar goals, if you are compatible in what is important and what is not, then you may make a good, long-term couple (and intoverts rarely care for flings).
If your values don't match, I'd say it's not worth it, but at least you'll know.
I appreciate you saying all of this. I am actively trying to reflect on if she has merit when she called me cheap. I feel like I have taken her on dates at least 1-2 times per month (its tough because I work Wed – Sunday and she works M-F and has to put her son to bed at 830 every night). I am unable to recall the last time we went out and she paid for my meal. I can't recall the last time she made a date night for us. I feel like she is gaslighting me and its hot because I know she is 99% of the time very accurate in her memory while my memory is not. But when I ask her for clarification or examples she says “this is ridiculous I have already told you numerous times”. I'm just hurting badly. No deep seeded issue at hand, I just don't have a lot of money.
Sorry that's it's not safe, but yer making the right call. Maybe seeking therapy?
Your husband and his affair-partner (?) just realized that they bit off more than they could chew. And now they want to make you responsible for their failed escapade.
They both should have used their brains and asked themselves if they can stomach seeing their partners having sex with someone else. Seeing them happy and enjoying the sex with someone else.
They didn't because all they had in their hads was wanting to fuck each other.
To be honest: You should be the one ripping your husband a new one. He initiated that whole 4-some because he wanted to fuck that other woman. He either starts sucking his jealousy up and breaks off any contact with that other woman or you'd better get a divorce because that guilt tripping what they are doing for their fault shouldn't fly with you or her husband any longer.
The way this is written and the total lack of any punctuation, makes most of it incomprehensible.
I have a feeling that she's not telling your family the truth of what happened.
I have a feeling that she's not telling your family the truth of what happened.
Are you a masochist? Why are you considering going back to… this? WALK AWAY. PLEASE. This will not get better. It will get worse and worse with time, ESPECIALLY once he’s got you nailed down with marriage and kids. If these things are already a problem now, they’ll be 100x times worse in a few years. You’re so young you’re only 20! You have your whole life ahead of you! Do you really want to spend the rest of your life being chained down by that abusive man? You will be MISERABLE.
Are your parents okay with all of this??!! Do they know about the way he treats you?
Don’t go back to him and let him dictate and decide your whole life for you, because that is what WILL happen. Think about your own happiness and what YOU want to do with your life!!
Tell him he needs to move out by a certain date, as you need your space back. Also have it in writing if you can. Look up squatters rights in advance just in case he gets defensive or brushes you off. You could also speak to your building as they should be informed, 1 about the situation, 2 they should know the legal points of eviction. Try to make it as amiable as possible at first. He seems really lazy and and feels comfortable using you so it might get ugly. It would be better if he thought you guys were “okay” and he moved out gracefully, before the breakup. He could possibly get aggressive and damage things or even steal stuff when he moves if he is bitter.
We had long conversation while wandering around the casino and she asked me very bluntly, “Why did you marry her?” I responded in kind, “Because you said no… and she didn't.” My wife was in a terribly abusive relationship and she cheated on her boyfriend with me and told me she always found me attractive and liked me more than just a friend, but was too shy to make the first move. My first marriage was a dumpster fire (my ex-wife has multiple DUIs and is just not a great person).
Not everything is terrible in our relationships – they have their ups and downs and we talk to each other about our relationships; sometimes to vent and sometimes to get advice.
From my point of view, I feel like the reason it happened was because it was an opportunity to explore deeper feelings. We care for each other, but I don't see us starting a relationship. Neither of us is willing to relocate to the other's state.
Now that it's happened, I'm sorry it did. Would I do it again? No. If I could get a do-over, would I do things differently? Absolutely.
Good spot, I missed that….
Of course she’s lying. She wanted something from you, didn’t get what she wanted so decided to hurt you in the worst possible way. Call out her bullshit and then block her.
At 250k it is. The support laws kick in well and the income is high enough. Nut under that islts not a great idea.
Yea and I don’t think the first one is rly an option ?
Girl, call a women's shelter and ask them to help you make a plan to get rid of him safely.
Why are you still with him?
If you didn't need it you wouldn't look for it. And sexual gratification is a need. Pretty people that have a tons of make up on are not pretty people…..it is just a mask and you are falling for the trap. Pretty people are out it the real world and they don't need to strip.
Yeah this is why staying friends is kind of weird. Who’s to say she won’t try to cross that boundary again? She clearly has no problems being a cheater/homewrecker
Will you be able / allowed to work in your new country? If yes, that makes the moving out process easier. You can pass those finals, get a job and move on to the next phase of your life.
If no, I recommend getting in touch with your family or researching local women's shelters or even visiting your consulate to get assistance in getting back to your previous country.
Best of luck to you.
I agree with you about the blaming part, that's separate.
Being bothered because you're bothered is no explanation; his parents have done nothing wrong.
What you worry and speculate is your issue. We're only responsible for our own actions, not how others might misconstrue them.
He brought his ex-girlfriend to live! in his parents' home. Of course they're going to get attached. It's not reasonable to ask them to cut her out of their lives now.
It's reasonable to ask that they not mention her, don't put them in a position where they might meet up, etc. But trying to stop your parents seeing someone when you're not around? Hella controlling, and not OK.
I agree with you about the blaming part, that's separate.
Being bothered because you're bothered is no explanation; his parents have done nothing wrong.
What you worry and speculate is your issue. We're only responsible for our own actions, not how others might misconstrue them.
He brought his ex-girlfriend to online in his parents' home. Of course they're going to get attached. It's not reasonable to ask them to cut her out of their lives now.
It's reasonable to ask that they not mention her, don't put them in a position where they might meet up, etc. But trying to stop your parents seeing someone when you're not around? Hella controlling, and not OK.
Models are some of the most insecure people you will meet. Your boyfriend has so much of his self worth wrapped up in his appearance, that the fact that you have dated “ugly” people diminishes his perceived value.
My advice is to enjoy what you actually have and to be less annoying.