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She saw you as a replacement dad for her children not a partner for her and she views your child as a threat to her goals because you can’t be a full time dad to her children when you have your own.
Not really, but more like you end up in a dysfunctional relationship that might reinforce your negative feelings about yourself. It's hot to have a healthy relationship if you don't like yourself.
I wouldn’t care because I trust my partner to be loyal. But I’m angry that he continually lied to me and refused to make a clean break despite me giving him plenty of chances to and even told him flat out “if you don’t want to be friends after this when you get into a relationship, that’s fine- just tell me.” And he still insisted that we would remain friends
There are a couple of ways to handle this – the “passive” way or the '”pro-active” way.
The “pro-active” way is to have the conversation with her about your concerns and see if some resolution can be found as to how she treats you. If you are in the frame of mind where you can't find the words to say what you want to say, see if writing it all down in a letter to her helps. And then once it's complete and you are happy with it, you both sit and she reads it. Then let the discussion flow on from there.
The “passive” way is pretty much what you are doing now – shutting down on her completely and making yourself as small a target as possible. There are a couple of ways of doing this and if you like, google these two phrases “The 180” and “Grey Rock” and see if these are something you can do.
The 180 is basically shutting down on her completely. No affection, no sex, no lovey dovey stuff, no engagement, etc. It effectively reduces your relationship down to housemates and co-parents. And that's all that will happen between you both. If you want to do something, you don't ask – you just go and do it. Tell her as you are closing the door “I'm off and will be back at x time” then you close the door and turn off your phone and go and do what you plan to do. When you get back you give her a stone cold face to her inevitable slide into the abusive frame and walk away if you have to.
Moving into a spare room also helps with this.
Grey Rock is generally done when you find that your partner is a narcissist and Gray rocking, or the grey rock method, is a tactic some people use when dealing with abusive or manipulative behavior. It involves becoming as uninteresting and unengaged as possible so that the other person loses interest.
Both of these are things that you can do that may go some way to giving you some breathing space to think your situation through. It may give you space to see if leaving her is the best option.
It may even be a wake up call to her that her actions are forcing you away from her.
You're not his favorite toy. Give him a few weeks and maybe he'll invite you over for sex unless he's found someone better.
You are way more into this guy then he's into you. And before you claim to not be that into him… I point out exhibit A being the number of different reddit groups you've posted this same question on. If you weren't obsessed with him… you probably wouldn't have asked at all, let alone multiple times.
If the dog isn’t microchiped and hasn’t been to the vet regularly, it is possible they’ll ask very few questions. If there’s any documents (vet bills, animal passport, contract of buying the dog, etc + photos, videos etc) in your bf’s name regarding the dog, I am not sure what would happen. Perhaps an animal shelter or rescuer can give you better information as to what is required in your area to have proof of ownership.
Depending on how comfortable you feel, you could also explain the situation to the vet (that’s another reason why documenting everything is important). I believe most people would like to help save a pet.
Not at all the same situation, but I adopted a dog from another person and went to the same vet as the owner used to, I explained that the owner no longer could look after the dog and they passed all the information onto a file with my name, I updated the dog’s passport, as well as updating the register for lost/found pets with the chip number and contact details. In my country we also have to pay dog tax, so after registering for that, she was in every possible legal way mine. Of course, in my case the ex-owner wouldn’t fight about it, since it was all agreed beforehand, but I didn’t have any papers to prove that other than my word and the vet was very chill about it.
Bud, let's approach this from a different angle. Are you happy in your marriage? Is your wife fulfilling all your needs? Are you fulfilling hers?
Keeping unreliable narrator in kind: you described her as being a more domimating factor in your relationship, with you as a self proclaimed coward (as per your post) submitting to her wants and demands most of the time. If that's a dynamic you're happy with, have at it.
Personally, she comes across as controlling. Whi checks their partner's location if they can't reach them during the work day? Why would you need to know someone's location anyway?
What's daily life look like in your house and family dynamic? Are you two balanced in how you handle raising your kids? Or chores, or when voicing opinions on subjects?
I'm asking because from the outside looking in, it looks like she's got you by the short 'n' curlies, and it's her way or no way. That means an imbalance, a lack of mutual respect and something that needs to be addressed.
Your home dynamic may have a subconscious part to play in how much time you spend with your friend. Perhaps you feel she sees you as a person and not as whatever your wife sees you as?