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I was in a similar situation once and spent years trying to feel better and fix the relationship when really I couldn’t figure out how to heal and rebuild trust. It sucks to find out so much later and it’s not fair. It sucks to feel guilty that your person atoned and new they were wrong and had treated you well for years after their indiscretions. Trust yourself but don’t waste your time and do not feel guilty, it’s not on you.
Slow down.
Just because she's good with other people's kid/baby, it doesn't mean that she wants one of her own or will be a good parent to her own kid or have the same patience.
Before I had my own kid, I was the “designated” free babysitter in the group because I was good with them. I've always got all the comments about how I would be a great mother one day, and/or I should want one of this (baby) soon, etc etc.
The thing is, it's different when it's your own kid. There's that added pressure, as the baby is yours and you're fully responsible for them. With other people's children/babies, I know that I would only be responsible for (how many) hours and I could “relax” and “chill” afterward, but with my own, he's 100% 24/7 my responsibility and I couldn't quite “chill” even after he fell asleep, and there's no “relief” (of the parents coming to pick up the baby) from 'baby duty.'
So slow your roll, mate, just think about it. Are you just having a “baby fever” so to speak, due to you watching this beautiful imagery of your gf and the baby…or are you serious about wanting one for yourself, remember this may end up breaking you both up since she's in the 'no child' stand so b4 you do bring it up to her, just slow down and think it over.
Clearly your values on sexuality do not align. You should respect her honesty. It sounds like she is offering a casual relationship with you (in the short term anyway). It would bother me tbh.
Thanks. I do worry that there are other underlying problems. I think he’s severely depressed, but when I ask if he’s ok, he just says that the problem is that I’m not working so I notice things more. I feel like this dismissive attitude is messing with my head. I know that it’s not healthy to be home so much ir spend that much time sitting and in front of a screen. He’s also a smoker, has diabetes and chronic pancreatitis. Icing on the cake.
Indeed, and it absolutely affects your life expectancy. I mean, yeah, maybe you can get away with it when you're younger and not feel as affected. But all those years of extra strain on the body, leading to the issues you mentioned and more? That means you're gonna be lucky to make *past* 50 or 60, and if you do your quality of life is likely to be severely impacted.