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Live! w her, don’t date until later or things could get crazy fast. Keep very clear boundaries. I lived w two fellas for roommates, both v attractive in their own ways, but one I knew pretty well. When I’m a moment of vulnerability (my BIL on life support and I was a wretched mess), it happened in our second year of the lease and it all went to hell after that. Don’t recommend breaking boundaries…
You can push but she probably will not do so or balk at you or she'll be resentful. Or, she can always change her mind.
I understand her perspective. She is a sahm and two out of her children are of her own blood. She knows she's not earning money independently right now.
I'm assuming that your blood-child, 13 F has a mother and her own family.
Your wife may think that she would be inheriting something from her mother's side.
If your wife leaves something for her step daughter, her step daughter will end up having more compared to her 13 M son and your shared daughter 3 F.
If you're going to push for her to leave something for your daughter (13 F), then you should assure that when you pass on, you will leave something for her 13 M too.
If you Google it, you can see if it applies to you. I got banned from relationship advice, so I have to be careful what I say now. I've been a counsellor for over twenty years. Co-dependents are loving, caring people who always put others first. This unfortunately means they can attract toxic people. I hope this helps.
I’m usually not one to yell “break up” but, these are three big things that you two are fundamentally incompatible on: health, finances, and hygiene.
Eating expired food could kill him or cause life long issues. Not caring for his teeth could cause all sorts of mouth issues, sure, but it could also cause heart problems because of the plaque. He’s basically just slowly killing himself. And, if he wastes his money on bulk shit that he can’t even use before it expires, that doesn’t bode well for combined finances or split bills in the future.
Something else to consider; if he laughs you off and refuses your help regarding these things now, he won’t be willing to compromise in the future. If/when you two on-line together he will slowly try to make you eat expired food and stop getting onto him about his oral hygiene + buying fresh food because he clearly sees it as a waste of money.
I don’t know if you want kids, but if you do, consider that they would be subjected to this lifestyle too. Same goes for any pets.
Sit down and have a serious conversation with him. Don’t offer in passing to buy him some fresh groceries or take him to the dentist, he needs to do that himself if he has the means. Say “your unhealthy eating and dental hygiene habits are concerning me. The way you (insert what you’ve told us about said habits) is going to cause a lot of health issues as we get older and I don’t want to subject myself or our future (pets/children) to this. If you don’t promise to change and start trying to right now, I can’t promise that I want to continue this relationship with you”- or something around those lines.
As soon as he said that other girls would do it? I would have said “then you should go and find them.” Such manipulative crap. If you don’t feel like it? Don’t do it.
Your boyfriend is a creep, not because of his BJ wants (I would love a daily BJ) but because he is using his apparent greater experience to try and manipulate you. There is likely a reason his is dating someone so much younger. You tell him that you are not comfortable, you do not enjoy doing it as a chore or anything else that your feel, how he reacts is his problem.