I (28M) can’t have children, and my wife (27F) doesn’t want to adopt.
4KTL:DR My dream is to be a father, but I'm sterile. I want to adopt, but my wife is against it. And I was adopted. She wants to undergo artificial insemination, but I'm against it.
I'll share a bit of my personal story to help you understand the whole situation.
I was abandoned by my biological parents when I was very young and was adopted when I was 8 years old. My adoptive parents were wonderful to me, and I have a brother who is the biological child of my adoptive parents, three years older than me.
I believe that being abandoned had a profound impact on me, and I've always had a strong desire to be a father and have children.
I met my wife when I was 19 and she was 18. I've always been open with her about my history, providing all the details, and I made it clear that my dream was to have a family with more than one child. She also expressed a desire to have a family, and this was never an issue.
We got married, and it's been about 2 years since we decided it was time to have our first child. We started trying, but she didn't get pregnant, so we sought medical advice to understand if there was any issue. It was then that I found out I'm sterile, and my wife doesn't have any medical problems.
I was devastated, but since I myself was adopted, I saw adoption as the ideal solution. I suggested to my wife that we should adopt, but she was against it. She cited reasons that are, in reality, based on prejudices against foster kids.
I was deeply saddened by this because when you talk about one of those children, you're also talking about me. We've had many discussions, but I haven't been able to change her prejudiced views.
On the other hand, she proposed that we should undergo artificial insemination with an anonymous donor. I disagreed with this because it would cost a lot of money, and I feel it's unfair to act so selfishly when there are thousands of children waiting to be adopted.
Our marriage is going through a serious crisis because of this. I can't comprehend how she can hold such opinions about adoption while being married to me.
I'd appreciate any suggestions on how to change her mind. I've seriously considered separation because being a father is the dream of my life. However, I still love my wife. Would separating over this issue be too extreme? I'm really lost.
Edit: I forgot an extremely important point when I wrote: My wife said that if we had a child through artificial insemination, we would be the biological parents, even though I'm not the biological father. I completely disagreed with that. I believe we need to be as honest as possible with the child.
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