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I agree. Its a deal breaker. He isn't open minded in the way you are, op, and that will be a problem. Especially since he has made misogynistic jokes and you had to educate him. He's not worth your time, emotions, or energy.
I want to give you some really good advice here. I too was married to a man for 17 years who threatened divorce at every argument and to kill himself if I ever left. I stuck it out for 17 miserable, impossible, heartbreaking years. When his youngest was over 18 he went to an out of state conference and finally having enough I ran. He kept his word and shot himself in the head along an interstate one state away from our home. Do not waste years of your life on this man! Do not put yourself into a position where he feels the need to take you with him! Leave now! Leave and be happy. Leave and find a healthy relationship. Leave and live!. You cannot fix him. You cannot reason with him out of his destruction. What he does is ONLY in his control. Yes, it’s manipulation and it will destroy any love, respect, and affection you have for him. Leave now! Pack a bag and go.
Classic case of bff is in love with you