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You two are not an item: you don't get to help her with her fear of abandonment unless she's willing to let you. She isn't willing to let you in. She needs therapy, and she needs to decide that for herself.
She knows you're interested. The ball is in her court to reach out, and if she does, you need to make sure that she's actually willing to put in the nude work it will take for her to address those issues.
Personally, it's time to move on with your life, and recognize this is a dead end. People can change, but it's rare as fuck. Focus on finding someone you'll be able to work with as-is. Recognize how she is right now is not capable of a healthy relationship with you.
Thank you, as someone who predominantly based their validation in academics this lazy slob narrative that people are trying to paint of me really hurts when I’m trying to get some actual help.
With them both being cheaters, I’m not sure them staying together is gonna help anyone avoid either of them
I mean this was in front of everyone. Me, my bf, her sister, my other friend and his fiancé like we were all taking about sexual experiences. I actually started the convo by asking what everyone’s number was jokingly. And we were all poking fun at her about her story. As for the number she gave him it right in front of her sister (I’m closer with her sister and would absolutely 100% trust her sister to tell me if anything shady was going on) and me and like I said they knew I could hear so it’s not like it was a secret but idk. I trust my friend and I trust my bf but in the “trust but verify” type of way. I’m not so worried about the number exchange but the way my bf acted after like I just want him to be open with me and say “Yeah I think she’s cool and I’d like to be friends.” I’m ok with that but not acting secretive. I’m an insanely jealous person so idk if that’s clouding my judgement or not.
Boy “friends” understand and make allowances.
Children, on the other hand………..
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Well I think you need to review the situation as a whole.
First, your father is dating a girl that could be your sister and his daughter. Personally I think nobody would be impressed, not her friends, not her family, not his friends (apart from some guys maybe) and as you can see not his family – and that means you. Your father is probably very much aware about the situation – that he is in a gray area – which explains why he has been so upset with you. You are taking up a mental mirror and asking him to look at the “DOM” that is praying on young girls. (Not saying he is – but he knows people are looking at him that way). This is upsetting for him. At the same time his girlfriend knows that everybody is looking at her (at best) as a girl with daddy issues and at worst (as you do) as a gold digger. Girls that go into these kind of relationships have often been hurt and usually have some serious issues with regards to abuse by their partners (or others) or some serious emotional/abandonment issues. (gold diggers or not)
Now to make clear – I fully agree this is a rather dubious situation – however this is not just your father's girlfriends fault – it is also your father's fault. By judging her you are judging him.
I would normally have said this is a phase – wait it out, but the fact they have been a couple for one and a half year and are talking about marriage changes things! You will have to accept that your father's girlfriend is here to stay and if you want a relationship with him you have to have a relationship with her.
I think you need to look at yourself in a mirror as well. It is difficult for an 18 year old (as you were when they started dating) to seeing her father running around with a girl her age. It is like seeing you being replaced as a daughter. But she is not his daughter and he is for sure not behaving like she is his daughter. I think you need to accept you are jealous and that is coloring your feelings and behavior. (I know it is not a logical feeling – but it is the situation).
I think you need to accept as well – you have not been behaving well to her nor to your father. You can be very rude to people by showing them with your body language and actions that you dislike them even though you verbally are polite. The fact that you do not want to accept dinner with her or hang out with her is just a kind of giving her the finger. Your father's comments is therefor quite understandable.
You are asking how do you safe your relationship with your father?
You can not control your father's actions or behavior – nor that of his girlfriend. You can only control yours.
I think you should take a talk with both of them – and be VERY polite and understanding. Ask them to hear you out without interruptions.
Apologize for not being supportive towards their relationship. Tell them that you realize that they clearly love each other (or what ever) and you understand that they want to build a future together. Make it clear that you found it difficult that a new woman had entered your father's life – and you realized that it would not have mattered who that was. You have also noted that even though your father's gf is older then you – you are that close in age – that it is difficult for you to see her as a figure of authority and ask them to understand that. Tell them that you will do your best for all of you to go along as they continue building their relationship.
Now why this?
Well you are stuck in a bad situation and for sure you will lose your father if you continue to give his wife the cold shoulder.
Note that you would not have said anything about loving your father's girlfriend – you have just restarted your relation ship with them as a couple.
If you are not ready to apologize for something (definitely not all) things are going to be worse. You have definitely not been supportive of their relationship (who would!!) – still it is their relationship and it is for them to decide on and not others.
Note the rest just highlight the situation, “I do not accept you as a figure of authority”, “you are my age” – “I will do my best to make this work”.
Then what after this – focus on being positive and kind towards your father's girlfriend. I know you do not like her – but you need to get a working relationship with her. (she could be there for one year, 5,10 or even a full life.) Remember she could be the mother of your half sister/half brother. I suggest you make a plan to socialize with her regularly – take her to a Cafe or lunch. Focus on finding her interests and what makes her tick so you know what to talk with her about.
When your father sees you make an effort – your relationship will improve.
Now fully aware that this is at best a SHITTY situation. I do NOT think your reaction has been wrong – I would have done the same in your position!!
However if you want to keep your relationship with your farther you have to support his decisions (even though they might be wrong). I doubt that this his relationship will last and when it brakes you have to be there for him – and not tell him that he is an idiot that was just thinking with his smaller brain. If it (surprise surprise) continues -well then you are connected to his wife and can be around them without problems.
Best of all
Try to make it your duty to get extroverted next year so your girl starts to include you in her outings too. If she doesn't then you need to reevaluate your relationship.
Ask yourself why her friend took this video and kept it fir 2 years? Did he set it up?
Yeh bro you met a freak who was only a freak for you.
Sorry ya lotto ticket went bust
Since it's the 2 of you having sex, the 2 of you are both responsible for birth control!
The pull out method is a sure way to make a baby. Semen is released before the man ejaculates! One of those little dudes could swim right up and fertilize an egg! Unless you are perfectly in synch on ur menstrual cycle, the rhythm method is also asking to get pregnant! The joke among we Catholics is: If you want to get pregnant, use the rhythm method ?! I understand about the pill causing you to gain weight, but some of the newer, lower estrogen pills supposedly don't do this. I would suggest you use a diaphragm and he also uses a condom. The onus shouldn't only be on you. Your 33yr old boyfriend, is exactly that… a BOY! If he's not willing to share the responsibility of birth control, you would be better off without him, especially as he's off/on about wanting children, but against abortion. You'd be left alone to care for a child, not wanted by its immature father!
You have to decide who the idiot is here.
Him because he is one.
You, because you're staying there and not leaving immediately.
Or both of you?
You’re NOT owed forgiveness just because you “apologized”, especially because you only did it to get something in return. YTA…still.
I actually tried to get into the weeds but they're impenetrable due to sheer volume.
OP, just the blocking is DTMFA-worthy. I don't need to read further to know you're dating an insufferable man-child you'd be well-rid of. Still, I tried for the sake of fairness and also because I'm a bit of a gossip. I couldn't. I just couldn't.
Look at what you have written. Look at that long-ass post spitefully detailing all the ways in which your partner is an asshole. You have nothing good to say about him. Why bother staying. It's obvious you are done with his bullshit. Just be done and let it be done.
Best of luck.