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Thank you for your kindness and your advice. My hyper fixation is that from my past trauma. I used to do this in the beginning portion of our relationship before I worked past some of the trauma. I haven’t had an episode in over a year and I felt confident that I was moving past them. This just makes me feel like I have fucked up again and I don’t want to go back to that.
Someone else said that he might not be honest with me when we do our “check ins” to make sure we’re not losing focus on one another or the other one isn’t getting something from the relationship, do you have any thoughts or ideas on how I can help him feel more comfortable with being honest and open? If I’ve already scared him into feeling like he has to walk on eggshells how do I properly let him know it’s safe to be open? I never wanted to make him feel like that, I wanted to be better than his past relationships.
What the F is right.
My first thought is to move out.
How close are you with your Mom? Is this a type of conversation you can openly have with her? Did you take the batteries out of my toy?
It would be weird for your mom to do it… it would be especially weird if your dad did it. It would be a huge fuck no if your step-dad did it.
Seeing how your step-dad goes through your trash, that alone is pretty messed up.
Your step-dad needs some dam boundaries if he is going through your trash and your drawers… I hate to put this thought out there, but if it was him, that is absurdly creepy. You might want to check your room/house for things that are not suppose to be there. I cannot imagine a full grown man tinkering with their step-daughters toy and thinking its a normal thing to do.
Thank you for the response, I appreciate it. I forgot to add in the post the job is only a contract for a year. Although I think most people know how contracts go, they tend to get extended. So in theory there is a goal to return together.
INFO: What does any of this have to do with the quality of your relationship now unless she's been unfaithful?
Maybe she can find someone better suited, aka a man who doesnt use peoples pasts against them.
In my personal opinion, if there's no other issues, it's making a mountain out of a mole hill. The hiding wasn't cool, but no one thought that she was an idiot. It wasn't some major, ongoing thing. And usually these concerns stem from a place of insecurity.
As a guy who went through hook ups and had roommates. I don't want to be a dick. But here it goes.
You're immature and have poor judgement.
Your 2 roommates had to handle your situation. You're lucky they were there.
Was this supposed to be an AITA post or are you looking for advice? Nude to tell since this reads more like an TrueOffMyChest post.
Yes you were rude. Instead of quietly discussing your concerns with someone you accepted a free vacation and then proceeded to call their whole family thieves.
yeah this is kinda weird to me too. i want to be on her side here but why would it be in my eyes only?
Prostitution is a deal breaker for a lot of guys but not all.
It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me but I would be upset it was hidden from me.
My thoughts: It is absurd to contemplate marriage in this situation.
Questions:
What is the duration of this relationship?
Why do you object to clubbing?
Do you go to nightclubs without your boyfriend?
Can you explain how he might 'have to' go clubbing? (you mention birthdays but why would that mean that he has to go to a club)
Are you formally engaged? With a ring? And a wedding date?
Do you have any children?
Well…tough one. The grass is always greener, as they say.
Love in any committed relationship takes the right mindset. You have a bad mindset already, in that you have ultimatums for the relationship that she's currently not meeting. Arguments are about your joint communication style and skills. The move is something you both agreed to do, so again, it's about effective communication. Sex mismatch is often about a whole lot more than libido. It seems to me like she used divorce as a theoretical idea that allowed her to blow off steam and you have been using it as a tool to get her to change. (If you were really done, you would not have reneged on the “once the lawyer is paid” thing.)
No one can tell you if you're suddenly going to be able to walk these bad mindset issues back. No one can tell you whether your wife means what she says and will continue to make effort (whether spontaneously or with prompting). I don't think you two know how to talk to each other or negotiate without bad feelings, so I'd start with therapy to see if there's anything worth saving.
Dating sounds a lot more fun in theory. If you have a wife you are moderately compatible with and a child, I would think therapy is the very least effort you should make.
We haven't seen her list of demands. Does she have one? Or do you think the power is all in your court?