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I'm not worried about her. I am thinking about her husband and her kids. Feeling trapped.
We were already separated (3 days lol). Itās her place so she will stay there.
Thanks for the update. Is he really new? Donāt you think theyāve been going at it for years?
Donāt consider ending it, end it. Heās not repeating you, your body or your boundaries . Heās being a douche and most definitely lost sight of the āfriendā part of fwb.
She either wants to break up, or she cheated on you and feels immensely guilty about it.
I mean you have about a 5% chance of your relationship being ok after this, but it could also be the best night of your lifeā¦. Keen for a gamble?!
If you want to take the riskā¦..Iāve had a couple of threesomes in my time.
Advice + Ground rules
donāt āfinishā inside the third person. Your wife to to believe you are more turned on by her than her friend
-donāt get too wrapped up in whatever you are doing with the friend. 1 minute of sex with the friend where your wife isnāt involved / included will be the longest and most damaging 1 minute ever to your wife
-donāt stare too much just at the new hot women in your bed, stare just as much at your wife
-ask your wife about ground rules before hand eg) she may not want you kissing her friend.
-use condoms
-sit down and have a full discussion about this with your wife beforehand, is she sure she wants to do this? Why? How will it affect your relationship going forward? How will she be able to remain friends with her friend afterwards and have you talk to her friend again afterwards without getting jealous or presuming you want her? Wouldnāt it be better to do it with a person neither of you will ever have to see again? But actuallyā¦. Are you sure you want to go through with it? What can you do to make her comfor table and not jealous during?
donāt leave her out!!! Itās a threesome not a twosome
-be VERY reassuring and cuddly to your WIFE ONLY afterwards, tell her how amazing she is, how sexy it was to see her with another woman etcā¦.
Honestly though dudeā¦. Donāt do this with the friend. It needs to be with a random woman, if at all. Otherwise your lives will implode.
If she reaaally wants to have sex with her friend, suggest testing the water with a random girl from tinder first
Okay well your not gonna change her morality
I think that this is not fair.
Being a partner of someone who is vulnerable because they have trauma doesn't automatically give you the skills to appropriately deal with a rapid disclosure.
I do think that the OP's partner put his foot in it.
“Why didn't you tell me for 15 years?” shows a clear lack of understanding of the nature of trauma but it is probably the first thing on the mind of anyone surprised by a disclosure of such magnitude. Should he have verbalised it? No. I would have hoped for more, just as the OP did but the partner is just a fallible person.
I don't think that OP is wrong if they decide that they can't trust the partner but the partner is not bad. Nobody is winning here.