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Please don't stay with him. No matter what he says. He only seems to want you to stay for his citizenship
!updateme
Please take some time to seriously reflect on what you are getting out of this relationship.
From an outsider's perspective, this is what I get from your post:
You don't really want the same things. He won't discuss the details of your future together, especially the big things (marriage, children.) He won't make an effort to tell you/show you that you are attractive. The sex is unsatisfying for you, and when you ask him to find ways to make you both happy, he tells you to go sleep with someone else instead of taking any responsibility for improving things. He wants to be able to do whatever he wants with his career, but you're expected to stay where you are and support his “dreams” while passing up a great opportunity. He calls you selfish for wanting something he doesn't want. You're already picking up his slack financially, and now he wants to cut his hours, take a part-time job with sketchy tip income, and embark on an acting career that is a long shot at best.
Please don't fall victim to the sunken cost fallacy in your relationship. Yes, you've been together 4 years, and it would break your heart to leave, to see him with someone else. But don't you think you deserve a true partner? Someone who wants the best for you? Someone who understands that relationships require compromise, and is willing to help you achieve your dreams? Someone who appreciates and loves you for who you are, and not for what you can do for him?
I really don't know how couples therapy is going to work for the two of you because you really do want very different things. Instead, I think some individual therapy would be really helpful for you to help you work through what you really want, and why you are in this relationship.
Best of luck to you, and I hope you do get that job!
You got bad with her? What does that mean?
Is this any different than watching porn while you’re not around or is that ok? His ED might be psychological, maybe hes having issues he’s afraid to talk to you about?♂️ all this can be worked through if you two are serious enough