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And I see your point about the rules. However, I didn't try to enforce it. We set up these “rules” because of how BOTH of us felt about them. I just don't feel very nice because when it came to her turn to uphold them, she refused. Had she ever said that she didn't want it to be a rule, we wouldn't have moved forward with it. It's both of us in this relationship, so doing something that only one of us is okay with is wrong. And that applies here too.
You don't go back, you move forward.
Intimacy might wane at times, but your love and closeness should always be growing. Work on being closer emotionally- that is more important anyway. The intimacy should follow naturally with a closer bond.
Sorry dude, you married a violent asshole.
She needs therapy alone. You two need therapy together.
Rip the bandaid off. The sooner the better in the long run. There is no way he doesn't see this coming. Living in fear of this is cruel, unintentional as it may be.
The sooner this is over the sooner he can get about moving on. Making the changes he needs to be the best person he can be.
The advise I would give your bf going forward. Don't expect loyalty unless you: -Make sure you earn more than her and as much as any of her friends partners; -Pay for the majority of things; -Do the majority of the domestic labour; -Do the majority of the emotional labor (planning things); -Stay fitter than she is. Fitter than her friends partners; -Maintain an active social life and constantly work to have independant social cred, that is tied in no way to her;
90 percent (or more) men fail to do all of these things simultaneously. Failure in one or more of these standards and you will be seen as too short to ride. Some women will stick arround to honor a vow or for the sake of children but most won't.
To maintain this life style you just can't waste time playing games, watching TV, or letting your partner run you. Maintain boundaries, so that you can go to the gym, sports, hobbies, continuous professional development. This is naked to do when your in love but discipline is sexy.
Now for the righteous hate!
Do you honestly think keeping that friend around has been positive to your son? Of your answer is yes, then you're delusional.
Goodbye
I totally agree. My wife was 20 and I was 27 when we met. Been married 16 years and going strong. We never even talked about the age difference. She was mature for her age at the time I guess, but I wasn't exactly mature for my age either.
This makes me cry. Exactly what I lived too. So many are abusive but such subtle ways. I wish someone told me this. OP your life isn’t gonna end, he’s disrespecting you. You deserve someone who is considerate of your feelings and the relationship. Lord, protect this woman. ? sending much love OP.
I had a baby 4 months ago and my body odor just changed so much.
Dr. Bronner's Liquid Peppermint soap will get that mama smell right together but not make you smell different to your baby. You'll smeel crisp all day, you but crisper and fresher
You two have been together for 3 years. If he was in love with you, and if he cares about you, he would KNOW your birthday, and prioritize it.
I’m so sorry that you’re hurting love. You’re not asking for much. It’s the bare minimum. If he has not acknowledged your birthday, I would seriously consider whether or not, you want to be in a relationship with someone who does not make you feel special and celebrated.
You’re young still. You’re on a learning journey about what romantic love truly is, and what it’s not. You still have a lot to learn about romantic relationships. I am not demeaning your personal knowledge and life experience, please don’t take it that way. I mean this out of genuine care. I (32f), and many others, can also relate to this growing experience. You DESERVE better. Advocate for yourself, your wants, and needs. If you don’t, you reject anyone who will come into your life that will, and wants, to give you the love you deeply crave.
You’re allowed, and it’s your human right, to healthily express what you want and need. You’re never “too much”. You’re allowed to have standards. He doesn’t seem to be meeting your needs and desires. You have the right to speak your mind.
Please deeply think about if this relationship is meeting your needs, and if he is willing to listen to you.
If the relationship feels one way, I think it’s time for you to consider on moving on.
Trust me, you will meet someone who will want to celebrate you on your birthday, and most importantly, every single day.
Happy Birthday OP!
KNOW YOUR WORTH!
Sending you empowerment ?
you need to learn how to regulate your emotional response somewhat so as to not overwhelm other people
I guess I do too
She may be the highlight of your day
I think she is haha
she will likely eventually pull away.
That's what I'm afraid of. I think I get this urge partly because I'm scared that she might leave me if she doesn't feel appreciated enough.
there are plenty of other ways
Could you suggest something?
Yea. It was from a fast fashion sight so I got it in like a week
But this can’t happen to people “of no colour”?
what the hell does his zodiac sign matter lol. and yes move on
Sis, you two need couples counseling to deal with whatever jealousy issues he has or you need to walk away from this.
None of this is healthy.
Don’t you wish there were a forum to share which men are fucked up and abusive? I’ve asked his sister to keep an eye on his next relationship, bc I’m certain he’ll want to repeat this pattern, but she’s convinced we’ll work it out. Probably because she’s been hearing about this stuff for years and doesn’t take it seriously.
I wish he was my boyfriend jsksjsjs we're on a situationship? So to speak
I mean, as much as it sucks to hear as a woman who has had and currently has male friends– there are WAY too many that would sleep with me, if given the chance. They don't actively seek it out. We don't talk about it. They don't make moves or act inappropriately, BUT they would get it on if they thought i was interested. That's not why, or at least that's not the only reason why we're friends, but it does influence it somewhat, i think. There are times, in the past when we've all been drunk together, that they've (disappointingly) made it known. It kinda sours the friendship for me… and most women, I'm sure. Because 95% of the time, I'm not interested. If i was, we likely would already be dating. I'm not one to beat around the bush. If i like you, you know.
It sucks that we can't just be platonic. But i have had a few friendships with men that actually were fully platonic, it's just rare. Why? Idk… perhaps because men are programmed to keep potential mates close…? But maybe because they don't act on it, and remain respectful friends we're able to overlook it with a good amount of male friends. But I've been in awkward situations enough with them that i don't hang out with men too often without my partner, and when i do, it's with someone who we both know well.
It IS hurtful, because why the fuck can't we just be friends. Like, actual friends… that you wouldn't sleep with? Would we even be friends if that wasn't in the back of your mind– the “maybe, just maaaayyybe one day, when she's not dating anyone”?
I'm really sorry this happened to you after previous history of abusive relationship. It pains me to say that this seems like a very different situation but nonetheless abusive. Sometimes, things take a wrong turn. I'm sure your relationship might have been great before but it surely doesn't mean you can tolerate this kind of behaviour from anyone. Its just a matter of time before things start escalating and he'll probably physically harm you. This man has no accountability. He blames you for his anger. Therapy won't help an intrinsically abusive man. They don't see you as a fellow human. They see you as a punching bag and as a physically weaker being who can take anything he will give. You deserve better than this. I know the comments on this post have broken your heart. It can be devastating having to go through this situation again. Don't stick around for long this time. You've been through this. You'll get through this. Love shouldn't be a battle. I'm sending you strength and resolve to do what is right for yourself.
Get him on child support and additional support for childcare/daycare if needed and come up with a reasonable amount for EACH child Food clothing toys and activities consider those amounts
Map out all major school holidays and put it in writing who will have who. Organise public holidays and who will have who. Do not do child drop offs pick ups at the home work out week visitation if you have them from Monday till Thursday and have him pick them up from school Friday after school till Sunday afternoon the weekend will literally be the time your mental gets to breathe I have no advice towards dating as I'm same boat different ocean he didn't cheat but decided I wasn't the one. What he does with his life is no longer your concern who he sees is not important to you. Make sure you start loving on yourself and I believe that will radiate outwards and attract the next partner of your life. Be smart step into your masculine energy and do absolutely everything logically use your feminine to get the hurt out when you are alone and for Frick sake JOURNAL JOURNAL JOURNAL it has been my saving grace honestly
What do you mean LDR? Was he your actual boyfriend and one of you had to move or work away for a time or is this just some guy you met on line and call each other bf/gf. Enjoy it for what it is if thats all it is. Would it really matter if a guy you are not actually dating or having sex with does so with other people.
If you are in a real LDR and you don't trust him then you need to end things.
You say she’s a friend yet you want to date her. Dude there’s a really good chance she’s just humoring you. You’re the creepy older dude who obviously has a crush on her and she’s too young to have the life experience to deal with it (which is likely a huge part of her attraction to you). I was 24 once. There so a huge difference between 23 and 32 when you’re 23. There were always men on their 30s hanging round when we were in our early 20s. We used to talk about how creepy they were and how we wished they’d leave us alone. We called them “saddos”.
Don’t tell her but talk to your dad or get the test yourself. You should get the answers.
Thank you. I think this is exactly what I needed to hear. I'll definetly go for that and keep thos in mind!
No he has her blocked. I wouldn't have usually thought about it either but i want to try moving on from the past. Our kids growth and development is what is important and at least we both agree on that (the Ex and i)
She provides my sister with advice all the time, so I don't think it's a boundary thing unless she cares more about my sister in this regard than she does about me.
I went to med school on the other side of the country and only moved back last summer. I'm also not out to my friends at work, nor would I feel comfortable sharing it with colleagues, even if we're friendly.
I just want to be treated the same as my sister.
If she doesn’t work due to medical issues, does she receive disability ssi? If she does, she may lose it if you do get married.
Sorry, but I don't get it. Why ist it so bad to be selfish? Sometimes you'd need to put yourself first, it's YOUR Life. It's so important for the mental stenght, you can not care for others If you don't care for yourself.
(Sorry, bad english)
Thanks for letting me know.
What is wrong with HIM? Girlfriend, there’s so much wrong with this.
He's already broken up with you and he's stringing you along while he enjoys his life. You need to let him go
If you're willing to get a breast reduction, are you willing to get an ass reduction? Your bf is the ass. Throw him away.
Potential good newa, though. My first c section was traumatic and I ended up with a nasty infection that turned into nasty scarring. The scar was awful. I know it's not the same, but I was very clear with my second one that I needed that scar to go away and they took it out. With the sudden extra skin, it wasn't a big deal to remove the unsightly bits that caused me to hate looking at myself in the mirror.