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Yeah, it's tough but you have to find a way to deal with loss in a healthy way, otherwise you'll never be able to roll the dice on anyone.
I would break up over this.
Saying she was “just joking” is a way of gaslighting and also making it seem like he’s the problem.
You're right, the answer is obvious. Leave him.
this alone would make me go. Just sit there and stare at them with utter disgust. Wouldn't let them get off easy without facing any consequences
Unfortunately, a big side effect of anxiety is irritability and that can manifest into rage, due to frustration of not being able to stop overthinking/negative thoughts.
They key to understanding it and having a level of control is to understand what is causing it.
I can almost guarantee, you are NOT the problem, even though you probably feel like it. People with anxiety will only tend to flip out in desperation, and will only tend to do it with people they trust and care about, and I can also almost guarantee that she feels bad about it. The problem is she will probably keep this guilt to herself and it will fuel the vicious cycle.
The best thing you can do, is wait for an intimate moment when you are both relaxed and comfortable, ask her what is eating her up. You may be quite suprised with her answer. It is never good to keep things to yourself and ignore problems because they just become the norm and it's not healthy for either of you. You need to create open communication with you both, to the point where, you also feel comfortable telling her how you feel if you have a bad day, without it turning into an argument. Treat it as if you are both putting the world to rights. You are a team after all.
All you can do is support her through whatever is going on. The thing to be aware of is, mental health issues don't go away overnight. If you want to look after her, you need to look after yourself also, because your mental health is important too
I might have read into the situation too much but if something resonates with you, then hopefully this helps ?