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I will have a talk again with him soon
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I think you should re-read that second to last paragraph that you wrote for yourself. Really digest what you wrote there. . . and trust your gut.
She is an ex for a reason. Be polite and just let her know – she said some stuff that made you think, and it would be better just to be a part. Then thank her and move on. No drama no finger pointing nothing of the sort.
suddenly found myself back in a workforce with people younger than I bossing me around all day. Some of my teammates are half my age
Yeah I have a superior thats early/mid twenties who thinks being young in itself is a qualification. I've got 20+ years of experience in the field and had to teach them a lot of what they now know about the things we do. I like them and we're a good team but sometimes it rubs me the wrong way a little even though I chose to step down from managing.
There is no right answer to your question. When you feel ready is the way to go.
As to these two past BFs, semi-ghost them until they get the message. Hearing from them may interfere with your head getting clear and ready to try again.
One thing that is really important, though, is to know what you would have done differently in hindsight. Like, did you ignore red flags? Ask too little for yourself? That kind of thing. Either journaling or a short course of therapy should give you plenty of data.
Hey mate! Google the marriage article from “wait but why” blog (I think it's called “making The decision”). You'll thank me later!